Just in case you ever watched the movie “Splash,” featuring Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah, and actually believed that mermaids are real, our beloved government is here to tell you that, no, they are not real.

Well, actually, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration didn’t say they are not real, it said that “no evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”

So, is this freshly published factoid (right screencap) the most obvious “duh” moment ever, or is this just another way of saying don’t stop looking?

Mermaids, according to NOAA, are half-human, half-fish creatures that first appeared in cave paintings in the late Paleolithic, Stone Age period some 30,000 years ago, and ancient Greek poet Homer wrote about them in The Odyssey in 800 BC.

They appear in many places in folklore, literature and popular culture of many countries worldwide, according to Wikipedia.

But they do not appear in the oceans with the whales, dolphins, crab, tuna, lobster, marlin, starfish, giant squid, sea urchins, jellyfish and a couple hundred thousand other marine creatures.

Trust us, they’re not real. Our government told us so. We think.

Thanks to The Trout Underground!