Yes, Kelly Slater knows a thing or two about comebacks. But please, let's be real. He's got better things to do than travel to Brazil this month just to play catch up with the same pack of asses he's been kicking for two decades. So I've compiled the 10 most likely moves Mr. Slater will make now that he's got some free time on his hands. Which do you think is most likely to happen first?

1. He'll fly to Bali on the next good swell, jump over to Java for some seclusion, and end up building an eco-friendly house on the edge of the jungle with Timmy Turner, where he'll subsiquently disappear for a few years.

2. In an effort to spend more time with his girlfriend, Kalani, he'll pull a Rodney Dangerfield and go Back to School, where he'll instantly begin shaping boards for fellow students and enjoy torturing professors who've yet to step outside of their campus bubbles and test their theories in the real world.

3. He'll sign a huge deal with Gatorade, who'll start marketing him alongside Tiger, Lance and Jordan, which, frankly, they should.

4. Being the guy who everyone follows, his experimentation of surfboard design will lead to the discovery of a huge breakthrough in technology, involving hyper-suspension, nano-technology polymers, and removable parts.

5. He will join forces with Shane Dorian to chase swells and start a hedge fund.

6. He will start his own clothing label, which will be sold exclusively at Target, featuring pastels and neons only a Floridian could love, yet the button-down aloha shirts will nevertheless be a hit by the 4th of July.

7. In order to fulfill his PR duties for Target he'll secure a guest judging stint on Hasselhoff's new show, America's Got Talent, then be coaxed into starring in the Broadway version of BayWatch.

8. He'll stop competing, but decide to stay on tour as permanent web commentator. The ASP will respond by making him the sole judge, which, frankly, they should.

9. Should number 8 come true, he'll secure funding from a major private equity firm and buy out the ASP for pennies on the dollar after the surfers vote to put him in charge.

10. He'll start his own charter school for up and coming surfers. While nobody will show up for his metaphysical theory class, they'll be crashing his course on media relations, where among other things, they are taught how to elaborate on simple media questions.