Attention all new-school longboarders! Your country needs you. Yes, you, the guy who pumps his longboard down the line flagrantly avoiding every pillar of style. You, the guy who snags way too many waves with the extra paddling power. You, with the 9-feet of traction pad on your board. Yes, you, the most annoying guy in the lineup on most days. Look, it doesn't have to be this way. Now is your chance to redeem yourself. You might even be able to be a hero.

You see, Ian Cairns, who will be head coach of the U.S.A. team at this year's ISA World Surfing Championships in Costa Rica, well, he has a huge hole in his lineup card. And he wants you to fill it. Team U.S.A. desperately needs a longboarder. We probably wouldn't be so desperate if the U.S. could actually string together a couple "W's" against one of the 35 countries that show up to compete in the ISA World Games. But sadly, the U.S. has been getting its ass kicked for too many years to count, losing to countries like Switzerland, Italy and Jamaica. Well, maybe not them, but close enough.

Cairns, a legendary hard ass, will be looking to change all that. He brings an old-school attitude to coaching, something akin to, "If you're not first, you're last." He was the guy who actually got the Americans to beat the Australians for the first time ever back in 1984 in world amateur competition. Today, he's working hands on with several of the young American hopefuls. He's compiled a talented team, but he still needs a longboarder.

"Preferably one who can ride some closeout tubes on a longboard," says Cairns. "The waves will be punchy beachbreak, so there are only a few guys who can handle that. I don't think it'll come down to nose riding."

So if that sounds like you, perhaps you can scam a free trip to Costa Rica early next month. Ian's desperate enough to take anyone over 12-years old and under, say, 50. Serious applicants should start surfing Huntington in the early mornings. Ian's the big bad bald guy standing on the beach shouting at kids.