Monday, July 6, 2009 12:50am PDT (3 years ago)

MY GOOD FRIEND Rob Garcia Sent me this email today. I cracked up hard and just had to share it. As funny as it might seem it is sad how much of this is true in the skate world. Anyway check out what Rob sent. oh MR. Garcia thanks again for sending this to me as well as letting me post it.Nate
The intern walked into the office building. He had been assigned to follow along with Airspeed shoes' most eccentric and unusual rider Nate Sherwood. He was a little nervous because he had heard things about Nate.

Odd things that frightened him.

Rumors that Sherwood never slept. That he kept a brick from EMB at his desk and had beaten a former intern in the face with it repeatedly for not addressing him as Mr. Sherwood.

There was another rumor going around the industry that Sherwood was getting increasingly paranoid about the "Nater haters" an imagined cabal of lurking kids that spread rumors and talked shit on message boards.

The intern told the secretary that he was there to report to Nate's office to shadow the elusive skateboarder. The secretary laid down the ground rules immediately.

He would be given two hours in Nate's presence. Period. After that, he would need to get the fuck out or risk a beating from Nate's EMBrickadero.

He was not to look Nate in the eyes or to touch anything in the office. No sudden movements. Nate was a loose cannon, a driving force in skateboarding that could snap at any given minute.

The intern walked in. He saw Sherwood at a desk talking into a gold plated cellphone with a huge NS engraved in it. Nate leaned back and put his feet on the desk. He was wearing a pair of diamond encrusted Airspeeds with gold trimmed laces.

Sherwood: What the fuck, Glen, we were supposed to have this promo video done a month ago!! Why didn't Forrest Kirby show up at the Berrics when he was supposed to? Are you shitting me, this was guaranteed to be a top seller!!!! "A Trip to Sherwood Forrest" would have been bigger than Tim and Henrys pack of lies!!!! Call me back when you figure out what's going on, you piece of shit!!

The intern looked down at Nate's desk and saw four cell phones on it. One read Thrasher, one read Transworld, one read Slap, and one read Random Guy.

Sherwood looked him up and down and said, "You're the intern right? You're supposed to be following me and observing how I run the empire, correct?"

The intern nodded his head yes.

"Well, it's pretty simple really. These four phones are connected to the highest levels of skateboarding authority. When I need to decide which direction that skateboarding will head this month, I call the first three phones and tell the mags. The fourth phone is for when I need to get new ideas. Random Guy is this crazy Air Force guy that knows EVERYTHING about skateboarding. I heard he killed two rent a cops in Louisiana but he's legit. Just don't ever piss him off if you meet him. "

Intern: "So how does the....."

Sherwood: "Shut the fuck up and listen. This is valuable knowledge. The skateboarding industry is all about image and trends. You think anyone really gives a shit about trick progression or having fun with your friends? Fuck that, if you don't have a shoe deal, you aren't shit."

Intern: "So when does........"

Sherwood: "When I want you to talk, Ill let you know. Watch and learn. This is how the industry evolves."

Nate turns to two dartboards on the wall. The first dartboard has seven spaces that read:

Punker

Gangster

Rocker

Kook

Preppy

Religious

Old School

He throws a dart and hits punker.

The second dartboard has a series of different clothing items and accessories written in the spaces. . He throws a dart and it lands in a space entitled "scuba." He picks up the gold phone and speed dials a number.

"Swank, yeah it's El Nato. Look man, I had this brilliant idea for the team. We need to start a line of scuba themed skate gear. I'm thinking aquatic themes for the next three months. I want all the Foundation board graphics to be water based. Get Corey Duffel wearing some neoprene scuba booties and a fucking divers mask. What do you mean you can't find him? Check the goddamn soup kitchen downtown and then the dumpster behind Soma. Get on it, I this done today, dammit!!"

He speed dials a second number. "Dyrdek, it's El Nato. I just got back from Barcelona, bro. (winks at intern) You'll never believe what the kids are wearing over there. Yeah, dude, divers gear. Some of them were skating in oxygen tanks. It was crazy. Get yourself in a wetsuit for the new DC ad. We have to keep up or this is going to pass us by."

Nate turned to the intern. "It's all about marketing. By the end of the day, Ill have my reps in China creating Nate Sherwood wetsuits and a surf bag you can keep boards and tools in. You get the right pros wearing this shit and the kids start buying it. Wait a minute, did you hear that?"

The intern shook his head as Sherwood stood up and looked out the window behind him. Two 9 year olds were skating in the parking lot. One was holding a video camera and taping the other one. Nate screamed, "POACHERS!!!!" and was out the door in a flash. The intern followed behind him completely perplexed. Nate ran out and knocked the kid with the camera over. He snatched it out of the kids hand and threw it against the ground shattering it into pieces.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KICK THE SHIT OUT OF BOTH OF YOU!! FUCKING PARASITES!!!"

Both kids took off running. Nate turned to the intern, "Sorry about that bro, they get more bold every month."

Intern: "But they weren't even filming you, they were...."

Sherwood: "Look man, you don't know how it is. A year ago I pressure flip crooked El Toro. Some goddamn 14 year old with a video camera was hiding in the bushes. Shit was on Youtube before I got home. The next issue of Thrasher had a Spitfire ad showing the sequence and I don't even ride for them!! I never got the incentive check or anything. This industry is cutthroat, man."

They walked back in the office. Nate picked up the phone marked Random Guy and dialed a number. "Random? Nato. Look man, I'm setting the industry standard for July. Whats the unit of measurement for aquatic depth in a deep sea environment? The fathom? Thanks."

The gold plated phone was ringing. Nate picked it up. "Rick, hey man. This whole scuba thing caught us off guard. We need to pick it up. Kids are already demanding aquatic boards at the shops. I want Biebel doing fathom grinds at the next Girl demo. F-A-T-H-O-M grinds. I don't give a shit what it looks like. Have him pretending to swim while he does a 5-0, for fucks sake. Have Mariano in board shorts for the next Lakai ad."

Nate hung up the phone and turned to the intern. "Its lunchtime, go to that seafood place across the street. I think Frank Hirata is still waiting tables there, tell him that he got turned down for Rocco's reality show and that I want my lunch right fucking now. Beluga caviar and crab legs. Steamed, not broiled. And some goddamn Perrier. "

The intern walked out shaking his head, muttering, "I should have been a blader."