About five months ago I fell down some stairs skating, like fell all the way to the bottom. I went hands-first to break my fall and jammed my fingers, especially my left middle finger. It swelled up super big. It still hella hurts and it’s still kinda fat looking. Plus I can’t really bend it all the way, so that one sucks.
I used to bite the shit out of my nails, dude, all day, every day. I used to bite the skin just to get to the nails. They’d be all ugly and bleeding. My hands would be in my mouth at all times. But then I got that little nail polish shit you put on it where if you bite ’em it tastes like shit, so now I don’t bite ’em no more and they look nice.
I used to ride bikes down by the creek all the time as a kid. This one time I got poison oak on my elbow and it just spread like crazy. If I touched my face, I’d get it on my face. If I touched my dick, I’d get it on my dick. It got bad for a minute, but I got a shot and then it was gone.
When I was 16, I was skating some stairs, trying a frontside pop shove-it, when I smacked my head. That was a Monday and I woke up in the hospital on Wednesday. I didn’t know what was going on. I had suction cups on my chest, IVs in both arms, a neck brace and that tube up my dick—what’s that called?—a catheter. I had fractured my skull. I missed three months of school and couldn’t skate for a whole year. That was the banger right there.
I have the worst lungs in the world. I smoke like a chimney. I’ve smoked like a pack-and-a-half a day for the past 10 years. I smoke weed, too, so my lungs have been through it. I’ll be out skating or out playing basketball and I feel it, man. I can’t breathe. But this New Year’s, it’s official; I’m going to quit this shit and get these things healthy again.
There’s a triple kink rail by my house where you ollie out to the flat part to get on it. I grinded it when I was a little dude. It’s like square and aluminum and shit. I went to ollie onto it and stuck, got pitched onto the bottom kink on my ribs. I couldn’t breathe, just wheezing and shit. When I breathed in super deep it hurt. I went to the doctor but there was nothing he could really do for me. He just told me I had cracked two ribs. I just had to be cool for a while and not really do any physical activity because the broken ribs could puncture my lungs and shit. Is that true? Can that really happen?
I sacked one time and one time only, on a little seven-stair rail. I was caveman sliding this rail as a kid. I straight sacked but I didn’t get my nuts. I got my dick ’cause I fell forward onto the rail. When I took a piss for the first time, I was pissing way to the right. It straightened its way out eventually. That’s why I don’t really skate handrails. I’m not trying to get clipped.
When I was young my sister and I were messing with each other in the kitchen. She shoved me and I fell back against the corner of the stove. The sharp corner of the stove stabbed into my shoulder and it bled all over. I didn’t get any stitches, though. I’ve never had stitches; I don’t want them. I don’t like needles and stitches and shit, dude.
I was walking home one day and passed one of those fire extinguishers where you have to break the glass to get at it. Well, I kinda jabbed at it as I walked by, not thinking it would break. It did. And it cut my hand up super deep, right below the big knuckle on my middle finger. The cut looked like a big smiley face. The doctors kept telling me I needed stitches but I wasn’t really feeling it so I just got it glued shut. I cut up the same hand again when I was sitting shotgun in a parked car and got in an argument with the driver. I punched the windshield and it shattered. My hand’s been through it.
On Christmas two years ago, I was playing basketball, just running ball, and twisted my ankle really badly. It just rolled. I went to the hospital to see if it was broken but it was just a big sprain. It put me out for like five months and still gave me problems well after that.
I got this f**ked up growth on my arm. A long time ago I had an ingrown hair that made a zit on my arm. I popped it eventually. After that, I don’t know what the hell happened but it just grew into this huge bump. I would f**k with it all the time and it would never go away. I never got it checked out because it wasn’t really bothering me, but it was pretty big, dude, like the size of a penny. I’d pinch it as hard as I could but it wasn’t something that would pop, and when I’d do that it would just get bigger. It blew up big and shit. But now it’s almost gone because I don’t f**k with it no more.