Why do you carry a shotgun in the trunk of your car?
I could just say I’m tough. I like to shoot guns. I went through firearm safety classes and all that. If I ever feel the need, I can pull over, load up and let a few rip, get some serious anger and tension out.
What’s the meanest thing anyone’s ever done to you?
Left me a letter and peaced-out of my life.
What would it take for you to grow a ponytail again?
Probably about three years ’cause my hair grows about as fast as a Chia Pet, man. If I had the time, I’d probably do it.
What is it about Wienerschnitzel? I hear they know you by name.
Hell yeah, dude! I get the number seven with chili cheese fries. But I always mix up the drink to keep the dude on point. He knows what I want, and I have my $7.34 ready. He gets all amped. That’s our little deal.
What’s up with your phone manners?
I get all hurt when someone says they’ll call and they don’t. And then I’ll never call them until they call me again. I take it all personal. I always hang up on people, too. I got the worst phone manners in the world, I guess.
If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
Probably “That Guy.” It’d be awesome because everybody would know my name but they wouldn’t know who I am. They’d just refer to me like, “There’s That Guy.”
If you weren’t a pro skateboarder, what other career might be a good choice for you?
I’d be up in the running with those Japanese dudes that can gobble 38 hotdogs in a minute or something.
What’s something about you that might surprise people?
I’m not a mean dude; I’m just kinda quiet. I’ve had tons of instances all my life of people being like, “Oh, dude, this guy’s an asshole,” when really it’s just me thinking, “Oh, man, I wonder if these dudes think I’m cool or not.” I’m always unsteady and unsure, and so people take that as me being arrogant or something. I’m just that guy who lives next door to you.
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen Jerry Hsu or Louie Barletta do?
On multiple occasions we’ve raised our glasses and gone over-vert with some Mad Dog 20/20. That’s probably the stupidest shit we’ve ever done. They’ll borrow 80 bucks to go get some “love you long time” and end up passing out in a bush somewhere instead. Just the randomness of life.