By Sal Lami
Here are ten reasons why surfers suck, because let’s face it, surfers are not that cool.
1.They refer to each other as “dude,” which sounds really stupid. Not to mention the dictionary defines “dude” as a city dweller unfamiliar with life on the range.
2.Actual surfers collaborated in the making of the film, In God’s Hands.
3.The best surfer ever actually had a big part on the show, Baywatch.
4.They take innocent skateboards and pretend to surf on them, getting “tree tubes” and doing “slashes” on sidewalks.
5.They wear the same outfits as bike riders and downhill skiers.
6.Lance Burkehart really does exist.
7.They say words like, “rad,” “gnarly,” “bro,” “hella,” “lates,” and the god awful, “sick.”
8.They can’t even get along with little kids on soft-foam sponges.
9.Because when you back into a fellow surfer in the parking lot of Swami’s, he tells you not to worry about the non-existent damage, then turns around and gives you a bill for 200 bucks (you know who you are, and you suck).
10. The all-purpose “shaka” throw.