Team Ergo Update
We had a parade today. It probably looked like a gay pride rally, as we were all in speedos. Hey fellow speedo queers, let’s do lunch! Wait what’s that? Rain? The cloud of Duke’s being closed was as ominously threatening as a dark stratus cloud, threatening to rain on our parade and getting these points. But cloud classifications are gay! And so are we! We overcame the figurative inclement weather by hopping over a glass wall and chowing down on some subway. What’s so wrong with a bunch of dudes in speedos trespassing in some fancy restaurant to down some subs?
If I were to compare getting a tattoo to a mythical creature, it’d be the Loch Ness monster. If the Loch Ness Monster bites you, it hurts really bad… But after that, he’s still there and nobody can do anything about that. The Loch Ness Monster bit me today, and guess what? He ain’t going nowhere.
The bike race. Yeah, the bike race… Well, Carmen “I probably missed the clip” Vicari and myself were on a team. For the sake of high school team sport spirit, I’ll call our team the B team. We called ourselves the thundercocks, and our mission was to get drunk. We accomplished the mission, but when the A team fell short, I knew we had to take affirmative action. Affirmative action means getting on a bike naked and riding it around. A fellow team member threw a stick in my spokes while I was ripping the track naked and I went down hard. Could this be a symbol of team ERGO deteriorating? (We’re getting all Kelly Slater I love you Andy Irons mind games now.)
See ya’ll hoes at hooters.
And Andy Irons- if you read this, I just want to let you know that I love you.
PS. I forgot to make out with cougars today. I will make up for it tomorrow for sure!
Sector 9 Team Update
The real war has begun and I think it started with an egg. Yeah that’s right! We haven’t seen any one on the road except for Ergo and we have been verbally assaulting them since we saw them paddle out in white pants at South Bird Rock. But today in sunny Newport we ran into Rusty. Two of the guys thought it would be a good idea to walk through one of those finger streets that go from Seashore to the sand. Now if you saw 6 dudes hanging by a giant yellow Sector 9 truck dressed in leather jackets in the middle of summer…. well you might want to walk around. You can only be so nice on the rally and at that moment the first bomb was dropped. An egg was lobbed and scored a direct hit to the neck of a young Rusty team member. From there we all went to Fox where things got violent in a winner takes all BMX battle between Sector 9 and Rusty. Well, we lost but at the same time we are winning. And sometimes its just one picture or one thing that starts it. It started with and egg and ended with possible MVP Mr. Balaram Stack. At a supple 18 years old here he is in all his glory slowly draining tire… Rusty might have won the battle but we will win the party.
Team Rusty Update
Let me start off by saying hangovers suck and thanks Jordy for a good time. Our Saturday night adventures started late in the night at Stingaree in downtown San Diego. At the door, characters straight from the Jersey Shore were trying to pay over a $1000 to get in and all we had to do was say the magic word, “Jordy.” Once inside we made our way across guido highway and straight to the second floor where we simply revealed a small stamp to security and we were in. The next day we got on it early busting out challenges in San Diego, I think we got started around 1:00 p.m…
I might be growing another limb or losing one for that matter after swimming in water coming out of a power plant and a place labeled “shit river.” Hopefully, I’ll be like the guys in the movies that get super powers from the toxic substances—please be teleportation. We learned that being naked helps your tennis game, and as soon as you drop trou a desolate street will turn into an auditorium. Dooma delivered again with an amazing quote, “The shit is like cat nip for sluts.” This was Dooma describing the stripper pole in the Rusty bus, which for some reason we can’t seem to keep Dirt off of.
Team Analog Update
We didn’t get any text from Analog, but we do have word that they are alive and well “somewhere on the their way to LA…”. The next Checkpoint Challenge is at a Los Angeles area Hooters—expect a lot of Hooters girls and more than likely, some vile act involving a chicken wing from Buck Naked.
WTF? The TransWorld SURF Cali Rally is an annual scavenger hunt style race from San Diego to Santa Cruz. Featuring four teams of four surfers, each team gets a list of “challenges” that they must complete to earn points that go towards their overall Cali Rally point total. Along the way, teams must compete in four “Checkpoint Challenges” that range from shirtless paintball wars to tandem BMX races. Checkpoint Challenges are worth 1,000 points each. Extra points are awarded at the discretion of TransWorld SURF and can be earned for various feats including broken bones, heroic acts of courage, and making out with old ladies. Previous winning teams include Analog (2009) and Billabong (2008).
Follow all the 2010 Cali Rally shenanigans at surf.transworld.net/cali-rally