Chris Cote’s “Somewhat” Weekly Rant

I’ve tried washing it in the shower with me. I’ve tried taking it out on the front lawn and spraying it with the hose and smashing it on the ground. I’ve tried to put it in the washing machine. I’ve even tried dipping it in boiling water on top of the stove. No matter what I do, it still stinks. When I pull it out the smell gets on my hands and stays there for two days. One time, I sat on it while at a tail-gate party. It was still wet and it soaked the back of my pants With the wetness came the stench of dead fish and septic tank run-off.

This stinky beast is my wetsuit. Why have I been cursed with wetsuit funk. If I go surf in the morning and forget to shower my co-workers are blessed with an all day fish factory emanating from my cubicle.

I quit wearing booties too. The bootie soup created from a two hour session was a four inch deep bowl of wretched piss scented brown broth that smelled like the morning after an asparagus binge. You know the smell of your urine after eating a bunch of asparagus? Try it, you’ll feel my noses pain.