Fear Factor Shithead

Shithead is a card game similar to Uno, but played with standard deck of cards. We played shithead every night, and it quickly became a high-stakes competition, with the loser forced to deal with grotesque and even painful punishments for being the “shithead.” It started with some standard name-calling. Andy lost an early game that first night, and the crew instantly renamed him shithead. “Can you pass the water, shithead? What movie should we watch, shithead?” The name followed throughout the next day as well. Andy would be taking off on a wave to taunting yells from the peanut gallery. “Rip it up, shithead! Go, shithead!” There’s a certain pleasure in calling Andy Irons a shithead.

The stakes were raised in the next evening’s rounds of shithead. Every time a guy lost, he had to immediately shotgun a beer. But this was more of a gift than a punishment. It wasn’t until our chef Liz brought out a plate with five unassuming little green peppers on it that shithead started to get interesting.

The pepper is called a cabe rawit hijau and is known as one of the hottest peppers in the world. The loser had to shotgun a beer, then chew and swallow a pepper. The first pepper-eating shithead was Mick Fanning. He chomped into the pepper and immediately turned bright red. Sweat beaded up on his forehead, and he started cussing us all out, “Oh you f—kers are eating one of these next!” He became hell-bent on sharing the joys of a burning mouth with the rest of us and quickly dealt out another hand of cards. The stakes were raised yet again with the addition of nice-sized marble of wasabi. Loser eats a pepper and a wasabi ball—congratulations, Blair Marlin.

The prizes got worse the next night. Dane Reynolds was the lucky winner of a tasty set of wallaby balls. I won the treat of eating a raw onion like an apple. Taylor Knox ate two peppers at once, Andy won a pepper and a mouthful of raw kangaroo meat, Cory Hartung took a shot of Tabasco mixed with wasabi, and Shane Dorian won a heaping spoonful of Vegemite.

In the end, every player felt the joy of the f—ker pepper, but the joys of the pepper weren’t fully realized ’til the next day when it came out hotter than it went in.

The funniest punishment went to Mick Fanning, who had to write a 25-word poem about love. Here it is:

I fell in love once

She turned out to be a dunce

Now I’m single having fun

Some dirty girls like it in the bum.