Grab-Ass Seals And Sea Beasts

Grab-Ass Seals And Sea Beasts
Are sharks and seals both cool, or are they really just a couple of f—kers?

In my opinion, sharks don’t really even think you’re worth their time. For the most part, sharks let you screw around in their living rooms all day and all night. You piss, litter, and sometimes shit in their living room, and they don’t even care. If there was a cheeseburger or a veggie-burger (for the vegetarians out there) hanging out in your living room, dripping it’s juices all over—you’d eat it for sure. We’re lucky we don’t get bitten more than we do. There was the kid in South Africa who got nailed right when he was taking off. That would suck. A shark bite would really put a damper on a session. Can you imagine taking off hoping hoping for a few good turns and maybe even a tube, but instead, you get you ass bit off by a sea beast—lame.

Ever had an unknown something brush up against your foot? That suck too. You’re minding your own business, and something slimy sweeps by your leg. You know some little f—ker of a fish is having a good time with his fish friends scaring the shit out of you. They’re under water all giggling as your practically running on water, screaming, paddling with everything you have toward shore.

Still, either way, humans kill way more sharks then they kill of us. We should be thankful—sharks keep away the real pests of the sea—seals. Those bastards can really mess you up. They’ll bite your leash off or tie it in a knot of your not looking. My friend got goosed super hard by a seal two weeks ago. Never trust a seal.

An old pirate proverb says, “you’ll never catch me smilin’ when a seals’ about. Those smiley-faced sea dogs are trouble just tlast week I caught one of em’chewing on me nuts!” Well put Blackbeard, well put.—C.C