Habitat-Tim Curran 4.3

Habitat

The Glamorous Life Of Tim Curran

by Pascal Stansfield

In an age when celebrities are praised for their flashy medallions and fast cars rather than their God-given talent and hard work, it often seems a hopeless cause to even begin to imagine a modest, down-to-earth celebrity. Until you meet Tim Curran, that is.

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With every step he takes-or better, every air he boosts-this young man exhibits a demeanor unlike any in this age of chrome and whips and iced-out jewels, dripping with Cris. He represents all that is pure and wholesome in the sport of professional surfing. The bling-bling lifestyle is to Tim what the Razor scooter and Boogie Board are to any self-respecting human: useless. Tim’s joie de vivre doesn’t come from material things, for Tim is a purist who needs nothing but his craft and a roof over his family’s head to satisfy his soul.

Last week I was fortunate enough to accompany world-renowned paparazzi photographer Jason Reposar to Tim’s humble abode in an attempt to capture some images of Tim and his wife Shanoah in their natural habitat.

Upon arrival we were greeted at the entrance by five of the most enchanting figures we had ever laid eyes on: A 1947 vintage collector’s edition Rolls Royce, a personalized 1992 Ferrari Testarossa (one of eight in a series), a vanilla-crà¤me 1954 Chevrolet convertible Corvette, a 2002 turbo-charged Tiger Woods signature-series golf cart, and a 2001 BMW 750iL.

All of these fine specimens paled in comparison with the beautiful structure of Tim and Shanoah’s 200,000-square-foot mansion. Located on the lush, majestic rolling hills of the Malibu golf course, the house is fully equipped with the most technologically advanced security system in the world: two pet ferrets, Muzzy and Trevor, both with a penchant for buggery.

Jason and I made it past Muzzy and Trevor with the help of an old tuna fish sandwich left to rot under the seat of my car by one of my thoughtful friends. We let ourselves in through the pearly gates, so to speak, and found Tim in his office.

I was only able to manage a short interview with Tim; he was busy with the rapid-fire world of the stock market, which he has been avidly playing since the recent success of his wife’s multi-million-dollar diamond-studded Hula Hoop corporation, which was founded in ’99 specifically to cater to the gilded youth of Los Angeles.

TransWorld SURF: I understand you’re a bit of an art buff.

Tim Curran: Yes, I love to paint. I find it very relaxing. It helps me escape the harsh realities of this cynical, cynical world.

Can you tell us a little about your art collection?Well, let’s see here … where to start? Um … okay. My favorite piece is the Picasso-something I’ve always wanted in my collection. I’ve also dreamed of owning the Mona Lisa, but that’s a bit grandiose, and the public deserves to see it. We wouldn’t want to rob them of that privilege, so we went with the Picasso. It suits us. I can relate to Picasso’s work, because like the man himself, his work is unpredictable and complex. It lives through elements of contrast and disguise, though its vital essence is never hidden.

Wow, that’s heavy!

Thanks.

How about the house?

It’s gorgeous.

Thanks. When Shanoah was a little girl, she always wanted a castle, so we bought one.

And the cars?

The cars?

Well, I feel safety is very important, and all of our cars have passed or exceeded the maximum standard of automobile safety set forth by J.D. Power & Associates. For example, the BMW 750 on twenties was voted the Safest Car of the Year, which works out perfectly because we love Beamers.

Safety first.

Definitely.

Speaking of safety, Shanoah just e-mailed me a new idea, something about velvet and rubies that is going to ensure our financial safety for years to come, so I gotta go.

Thank you for your time.

No, thank you.