More Letters Answered With Love From Mimi

Callouts

“The older girls get, the more they realize the sex appeal of a foreign man.”

“Remember that one episode of 90210 when Brenda went away to school and had that one really slutty roomate?”

“Dump her before she dumps you.”

“What’s skiboarding? It sounds lame.”

Dear Mimi,I’m a thirteen year old guy who digs surfing. I saw you in TransWorld SURF and I was wondering if you would send me and my friend, Nick, each an autographed picture of you. Thanks so much. David LaTourHayward, California

Hi David!I have an idea for you: Why don’t you cut a picture of me out of the magazine and sign it yourself? Tell your friend Nick it cost you ten bucks to get my autograph, but since he’s such a good friend, you’ll give it to him for five. Now send me the five bucks and we’ll call it even. Mimi

Dear Mimi, How are you? I’m a seventeen year old male. I’m from Italy, and I love to surf. I saw your picture in a TransWorld SURF mag! You are very attractive, and you’re a very sweet person, seeing that you are willing to help people with everything. I still go to school and I’m a Junior going into my Senior year! In my school, everyone thinks I’m a punk, though. If they were to read my poems and know that I’m about to publish them, they would think the opposite. I’m a really sweet and sensitive person. I love to play soccer, too. I really hope that you write to me here at camp. I hope that you send me some more of your pics.FrancescoWaterford, Maine

To my little Fransesco,If you go back in time and look at all the great poets, most of them were viewed as punks in high school. Don’t worry about that stuff because the older girls get, the more they realize the sex appeal of a foreign man. Use your Italian language to sweet talk girls¿they fall for that stuff all the time. Mimi

Dear Mimi, I’ve had really annoying roommates for a while now. Even if I moved out from some people, when I get new ones, they suck, too. I haven’t had a girlfriend in two years, and I can’t do any drugs because I’m in a facility to cure that. I had a lot of cool roommates at the University of California at Santa Cruz (UCSC). So not all roommates are bad. Sandy beaches don’t exist in Massachusetts it seems.Evan MertensMonterey, Massachusetts

Dear Evan,Sorry to hear about your roommate woes. Remember on that one episode of 90210 when Brenda went away to school? She had that one slutty roommate who was always hooking up with guys and leaving that little tassle on the door so Brenda wouldn’t come in. What a bitch.Mimi

Dear Mimi,Hi! My name is Robert Escobar, and I’m fourteen years old. The reason I’m writing to you is because I’m worried that me and my girlfriend’s relationship is starting to fall apart. We’ve been together for about seven months, and for the last six months things between us have been going great, but now it feels like she’s drifting away from me. I love her with all my heart and I don’t want to lose her, but if she’s unhappy with the relationship, then I don’t want her to be in something she no longer wants to be in. She hardly ever calls me anymore, and whenever I call her, she usually says, “My friend’s on the other line, I’ll call you right back.” and she never does. I don’t know what to do. I really love her a lot. Please help me out.Robert Escobar Rodham, North Carolina

Dearest Robert,Rule number one in a relationship that’s crumbling: Dump her before she dumps you. You’ll feel much more confident knowing that you’re the master of your destiny and you answer to no one. This will also make other girls respect you. Trust me, attitude wins over sympathy every time. Mimi

Hi Mimi, How’s life? Not good for me. My friends are trying to teach me how to surf, but it’s not working. I’m only used to snowboarding and skiboarding. Mimi, is it easy for you to go out in public? It’s hard for me, because all these girls keep chasing me. It’s like they think I’m a celebrity or something. Well, I gotta go. I’ve got to try surfing again. Justin HooperMalibu, California

Hello Justin,You sound very confident and sure of yourself. I’ve never heard of you. How did you get so famous? Are you like a rad snowboarder, or some big time skiboarder? What’s skiboarding? It sounds lame.Mimi

Hey Mimi! My name’s Evan and I’m thirteen years old. My ex-girlfriend likes me again and she wants me to ask her out, but one of her friends is telling me not to. I just went to the beach with her and we had a great time¿I still like her. The waves were good, so we both went surfing. After the day was over, I walked her home and we kissed! It was awesome. Please write back, and tell me if I should ask her out. And if you could, a few pointers for me would be helpful.Evan StaddlerRidgeport, Maine

Dear Evan,Let me think here … you like her, you kissed her, and she wants you to ask her out. Sounds pretty simple to me. Ask her ass out, and forget what her friend says. She probably likes you, too … player.Mimi