Newsworthy & Broisms

Broisms

broadside assistance-when your bro helps you after your car breaks down.

Example: “Man, I got a flat tire yesterday and had to call Mark for some broadside assistance.”

exbrommunicate-when you stop talking to a bro.

Example: “Rick was being a barn, so I had to exbrommunicate him.”

Lambroghini-your bro’s fast car.

Example: “Dude, let’s take the Lambroghini to the mall and pick up some chicks.”

brotocol-the rules your bros have to follow to be your bros.

Example: “You know the brotocol on being my bro, so stop trying to kiss my mom.”

Michelangelbro-your bro who’s a painter.

Example: “Tell Brendan he needs to come paint my bathroom-he’s the only Michelangelbro I know.”

Gnarisms

gnarchitect-a guy who draws up plans for getting gnarly.

Example: “Kyron just drew up a plan to jump the Grand Canyon on a Razor scooter. He’s such a gnarchitect.”

Charles Gnarwin-the guy who first came to the conclusion that being gnarly evolved from being a wuss.

Example: “Charles Gnarwin thinks that Laird Hamilton evolved from a wimpy sea slug to be the Conan The Gnarbarian he is now.”

Conan The Gnarbarian-a really gnarly person.

Example: See above example.

Mundaka R.I.P?

What do you do when one of Europe’s most epic, sand-dredging barrels is wrecked by actual government-ordered sand dredging? And if that same spot hosts a major surf contest each October-namely, Mundaka’s Billabong Pro?

If you’re the ASP, you cancel the gig, because, really, who wants to see the top 44 butt-wiggling where they were once tube-riding?

Early this year, people began noticing the wave’s horrific decline in quality, attributed to 2003’s dredging of more than 243,000 cubic meters of sand from the Guernica Estuary, the mouth of which formed Mundaka’s classic left-hand sandbar.

“Without the guarantee that Mundaka would produce a quality platform for the athletes to perform,” ASP President Wayne Bartholomew said, “we felt it best to look forward to 2006 and hope that the wave will return.”

“It’s a great disappointment that we can’t compete at Mundaka this year,” said Jake Paterson, currently rated 17th on the WCT. “Let’s hope that wave returns and we can get down to business there in 2006.”

TransWorld SURF offers its condolences to the wave, and we’re all hoping for a speedy recovery. Want to help? Go to savethewaves.org/mundaka.asp

Hollister Ranch Bus Pass

As much as you’d love to freely surf Santa Barbara’s coveted Hollister Ranch, consider reality if it ever became publicly accessible, which is what L.A.-based attorney Steve Hoye wants to happen.

Hoye recently won public access to Carbon Beach billionaire record exec David Geffen’s once-personal patch of sand. Now Hoye has his crosshairs aimed at the Ranch, where he wants to create “limited public access,” namely a busload of 50 people per day, first-come, first-served, from Gaviota State Park.

“I’d sure like to talk to the Hollister Ranch Owners Association about what they would like to consider allowing, because it is going to happen eventually,” Hoye told journalist Ben Marcus.

Hoye, a non-surfer, could possibly be the only person who wants this.

“Anyone I’ve ever met who’s had any real experience, history, and insight into the Ranch knows public access would ruin a good thing,” said Jeff Chamberlain, a regular Ranch boater for nearly 40 years. “Ask any experienced climber you can find, and I doubt that you’d hear of an insistent need for an escalator up the face of Yosemite’s El Capitan. I see no need to install a human freeway into the most precious part of the Gaviota coastline, either.”

DC Team Hook-up

Bruce Irons, Dane Reynolds, and you. What do these three people have in common? Well, if you win this contest, then all three of you will be hooked up with a grip of DC gear! If you want to brag that you’re bros with the DC team, you’d better enter this contest. All you have to do is send is a postcard explaing why you, Bruce, and Dane are such good friends. Send postcards to TransWorld SURF, DC Surf Team, 353 Airport Road, Oceanside, California 92054.

Dropping The Bomb!

Rip Curl is coming hot out the gates with a new suit aptly called “The Bomb.” Want to win one? Of course you do. All you have to do is tell us what your dream wetsuit would be like in 50 words or less. Be creative and funny, and you could be rocking this Bomb all winter! Send entries to: TransWorld SURF, Rip Curl Bomb Drop, 353 Airport Road, Oceanside, California 92054.

Party Police

The paparazzi has been out in full force for the last month or so. Here’s a glimpse into the weird world of surf premieres, fancy festivities, and snazzy soirees that have happened within the last month. The party of the year, so far, was said to be the The Bruce Movie premiere, at the Volcom headquarters in Newport Beach on August 30.

1v. Barney and Jenny.

2v. Dashenka Wright of the Goons Of Doom.

3v. Bruce and Dave Riddle, movie stars.

4v. Unidentified fun-buns.

5v. Pouty bevy of beauties waiting for the Brucey.

Get Involved!

As humans, we should be the first to get involved and help our communities, friends, and even strangers as much as we can. Now that some of you are back in school, you should take action and do what you can to make this world a better place. By starting a community service club at your school, you can not only feel good about yourself, but also possibly get school credit and college cred. One idea is to start a “Beach Cleanup Club.” By spending one or two Saturdays a month down at your local beach, you can really help make it a better place. Think about it, you get ten or so friends together, cruise down the beach with a trash bag and pick up garbage-how simple is that? You’ll be saving the lives of cool sea creatures, making the beach beautiful, impressing your teachers, and also getting exercise.

Are you starting a club? If you do, we’ll help. Send in your club name, cause, and a photo, and we’ll make you famous. Remember to start a club that actually helps, not some lame video-game club or something. Send your club photo and motto to: “TransWorld SURF Club” Club, 353 Airport Road, Oceanside, California 92054.

And In Other News …

Lisa Anderson has been named global brand ambassador for Roxy. Lisa’s name has been synonymous with the hot girl brand since the early 90s, and from now on she’ll be the queen of the castle called Roxy.

In other Lisa news and general news about females getting involved, Keep A Breast has a whole new bevy of famous breast sculptures that will be traveling all over and raising money for the Keep A Breast organization. For information on where you can see, bid, and touch (not really touch, dream on) these plaster casts of our favorite female pros breasts, go to keep-a-breast.org.

Molds of the mounds of Lisa Anderson, Kassia Meador, and Chelsea Georgeson, are just a few of the sets you will see, as well as the beautiful art that covers these casts that’s supplied by amazing artists from around the world.

Some of the new cast members for the Keep A Breast shows include Dita Von Teese, the whole Glomb family, and Maya Ford from the Donnas. We here at TransWorld SURF are thinking about starting a new foundation called Touch A Breast, where we get celebrities to let us touch their breasts. We’ll see if that takes off.

The good people at Kawasaki just hooked Bethany Hamilton up with a brand-new Kawasaki Jet Ski STX 12F. Bethany is rumored to be the next gutsy gal to take to towing-in by her house on Kaua’i.

Where We Wish We Were …

This is where the staff of TransWorld SURF would rather be right now, instead of rotting away in our cubicles.

Joel Patterson-Editor In Chief-“Byron Bay, sitting on the beach at The Pass waiting for the crowd to thin out, then I’d be out there.”

Marc Hostettor-Creative Director-“I’d like to be getting irie in Lithea Park up in Ashland, Oregon.”

Chris Cotà‡-Editor-“I’d rather be at Stone Steps, a secret beach that is covered with stingrays, jellyfish, sharks, and sea urchins. I’d be playing over-the-line with the Barracudas.”

Justin Cotà‡-Associate Editor-“I’d rather be surfing Chopes right now. Four foot, west swell, just me and some Hinano girls.”

John King-Associate Art Director-“With my lovely wife and daughter camping on a switchback in Sequoia.”

Question Of The Month:

“Why were there so many jellyfish in Southern California this summer?”-Dylan Raasch, shoe designer, Encinitas, California

During a recent KPBS interview, Nigela Hilgarth was asked about the recent jellyfish invasion. She explained that the reason we’re experiencing an invasion of fried egg, purple striped, and the mysterious black jellyfish (not seen in these waters for over a decade) is because of the red tide, which is a massive upwelling of plankton. Jellyfish feed on plankton, so basically-more plankton equals more jellyfish. Have fun getting stung everyone!

Sponsor Changes

Evan Valiere to Reef

Shaun Ward to Converse

Sean Taylor to Converse

Mark Healy to Utopia Optics

C.J. Kahuna to etnies

Casey Brown to etnies

Nalu Wallace to etnies

Peter Mendia to VonZipper

Ian Walsh to VonZipper

Web World

As Seen On transworldsurf.com

Last Month’s Poll Question:

In light of Neco Padaratz being busted by the French government and the ASP for using steroids, do you think being “on the juice” is an unfair advantage in professional surfing?

Yes, they’re performance enhancing no matter what the sport: 40.5%

No, surfing’s about flow and style-not bulging muscles: 15.2%

No, zits caused by steroids would make you slip off your board: 1.5%

Steroids make your penis shrink and balls shrivel up. How could that help you surf better? 42.8%

Say it ain’t so, Neco! One of the most likeable guys on tour, Neco Padaratz was tested last year in France and found to have anabolic steroids in his system. Padaratz, who claimed to have taken the banned substance as a self-treatment for a back injury, was suspended from the tour and had all of his accumulated points from both the WCT and WQS stripped from him.

We posed the question above and the results show a split decision as to whether or not steroids could be considered “performance enhancing.” Which camp are you in?

This Month On transworldsurf.com:

Check out the daily updates and photos from the Japan Quiksilver Pro and the Boost Mobile Pro (held right here in our backyard at Lower Trestles). As a new feature, we’ll be posting slide shows from each event with incredibly witty and informative captions.

Also, stay on the lookout for really hot girls in bikinis. That’s why we all started surfing in the first place, right?

Check it all out at www.transworldsurf.com

Quote of the month: “Flames were coming off my hand like three feet high. I flicked my hand and everything came off-flames, skin … everything.”-Dustin Barca

-Chris Cotà‡, Justin Cotà‡, Mike Kew

n Ashland, Oregon.”

Chris Cotà‡-Editor-“I’d rather be at Stone Steps, a secret beach that is covered with stingrays, jellyfish, sharks, and sea urchins. I’d be playing over-the-line with the Barracudas.”

Justin Cotà‡-Associate Editor-“I’d rather be surfing Chopes right now. Four foot, west swell, just me and some Hinano girls.”

John King-Associate Art Director-“With my lovely wife and daughter camping on a switchback in Sequoia.”

Question Of The Month:

“Why were there so many jellyfish in Southern California this summer?”-Dylan Raasch, shoe designer, Encinitas, California

During a recent KPBS interview, Nigela Hilgarth was asked about the recent jellyfish invasion. She explained that the reason we’re experiencing an invasion of fried egg, purple striped, and the mysterious black jellyfish (not seen in these waters for over a decade) is because of the red tide, which is a massive upwelling of plankton. Jellyfish feed on plankton, so basically-more plankton equals more jellyfish. Have fun getting stung everyone!

Sponsor Changes

Evan Valiere to Reef

Shaun Ward to Converse

Sean Taylor to Converse

Mark Healy to Utopia Optics

C.J. Kahuna to etnies

Casey Brown to etnies

Nalu Wallace to etnies

Peter Mendia to VonZipper

Ian Walsh to VonZipper

Web World

As Seen On transworldsurf.com

Last Month’s Poll Question:

In light of Neco Padaratz being busted by the French government and the ASP for using steroids, do you think being “on the juice” is an unfair advantage in professional surfing?

Yes, they’re performance enhancing no matter what the sport: 40.5%

No, surfing’s about flow and style-not bulging muscles: 15.2%

No, zits caused by steroids would make you slip off your board: 1.5%

Steroids make your penis shrink and balls shrivel up. How could that help you surf better? 42.8%

Say it ain’t so, Neco! One of the most likeable guys on tour, Neco Padaratz was tested last year in France and found to have anabolic steroids in his system. Padaratz, who claimed to have taken the banned substance as a self-treatment for a back injury, was suspended from the tour and had all of his accumulated points from both the WCT and WQS stripped from him.

We posed the question above and the results show a split decision as to whether or not steroids could be considered “performance enhancing.” Which camp are you in?

This Month On transworldsurf.com:

Check out the daily updates and photos from the Japan Quiksilver Pro and the Boost Mobile Pro (held right here in our backyard at Lower Trestles). As a new feature, we’ll be posting slide shows from each event with incredibly witty and informative captions.

Also, stay on the lookout for really hot girls in bikinis. That’s why we all started surfing in the first place, right?

Check it all out at www.transworldsurf.com

Quote of the month: “Flames were coming off my hand like three feet high. I flicked my hand and everything came off-flames, skin … everything.”-Dustin Barca

-Chris Cotà‡, Justin Cotà‡, Mike Kew