Planes Suck

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Planes are my worst nightmare, but my best friend at the same time.

“Snakes. I hate snakes.” That’s what Indiana Jones said as he lowered himself into a snake-infested temple that held the Arc of the Covenant. I’ve never climbed a rope into a snake-filled cavern, but I feel the same way about planes that Indiana feels about snakes. I hate planes, I hate airports, and I hate flying. Unfortunately, as surfers, we all have to endure air-travel in order to get from our homes and local breaks to exotic and distant places that have better waves than we do. Maybe you aren’t scared of planes, but I am. The thought of sitting in a flying tube that’s literally thrown from one location to another is very disheartening. Planes have no vertical thrust and no parachutes available to the passengers. On second thought, that would probably make it even scarier if you walked on board and the flight attendant smiled and said, “Here’s your parachute, sir. Have a nice flight.”

I’m thinking about flying right now, because I’m going to Hawai’i in a few days. Hopefully, there will be no snakes on the plane and not too much turbulence. If I do make it to Hawai’i, I’ll send you all postcards. I wish there were some kind of jet boat that I could go on instead of a plane. Planes really suck.—C.C.