Sambal The Movie:
A Surfing Odyssey
I was about to go surfing, and I thought for old time’s sake I’d watch this surf movie to get “amped.” So I watched it. You know when you say to yourself, “What’s going on? What’s happening here?” And then something happens that isn’t what you think it is, and later it probably was, but you weren’t able to tell because you were out of it? Well, that’s kind of what happened here-the VHS tape is bright yellow. I put it into the VCR and watched a lot of radical images jump at me and try to make me think this was something real different, but then I watched and realized this wasn’t grade-A surf footage. Anyway, I went surfing, fell off my board, and got my penis stuck in a sea anemone-this video cursed me.-J.M.
Iron Fist Pillage
Oh, shit. This flick is a banger. It’s basically an old 70s kung-fu flick that’s redubbed with Cappadonna from the The Wu-Tang Clan’s voice as the main character. This is some funny shit, too. Then there’s blood-Chinese dudes get crazy with knives. It’s an action-packed adventure with hip-hop beats for the background music and soundtrack during the entire movie.
The slang’s ghetto, and it works brilliantly for the movie. It had my friends and I laughing on the blunt couch for a long time. This video’s part of the Flix Remix series produced by Skypilot Entertainment. Hopefully, Meth, GZA, RZA, Ol’ Dirty (if he ever gets outta jail), and the rest of the Wu squad will work on some more Shaolin-type ninja-movie shit real soon. This video is a must-have for fans of kung-fu, hip-hop, and Wu-Tang styles.-A.S.
O’Neill Deep Jungle Open 2000
A 16mm Chilli Video
To make up for the hour I lost by watching this video, I seriously prayed to God to give me an extra hour on my deathbed. To parents: Buy this video for your children-it’ll help them find religion. To the makers of surf videos: Stop interviewing surfers-we’re shitheads. We’ll always try to say something profound like, “The waves were a ravishing experience,” which doesn’t make sense to anyone. This video sucks.-John Hoff