Years ago, here in America, some guy made up that we shouldn’t work one day because we work on a whole bunch of other days (it might have been the same guy who made up that we should give each other presents on Christmas, but I’m not sure because Franklin Pierce reserved that space in my memory). He decided to name his day off “Labor Day,” and what a success it has been! It happened yesterday, and it marks the unofficial end of summer. Summer has always been significant to surfers. Bruce Brown told us so, and nobody ever argued. Hence, smooching summer goodbye can be gloomy. However, autumn gives us a blowjob’s worth of consolation prizes. Enjoy your endless summer Bruce, here’s what you’re missing in the Fall:
The world tour zests itself up. Upcoming events include Lowers, France, Portugal, and…. Santa Cruz. There’s a contest in Santa Cruz? The next couple of events are huge in terms of the title. Thrills will proceed as the tour scurries into its grand finale at Rocky Point. Can Mick hold on? Will Slater Slater everybody? Is Pancho Sullivan going to convince everybody that he is still on tour, spray Gabriel Medina, and run off with the title? Only Fall will tell, my friends.
Hurricane season peaks in September. The tropics are so romantic. Watching a tropical wave burst into bloom and eventually grow into a highly dangerous (but wave producing) hurricane is such an endearing feeling. It’s like watching your child punch a referee in the face at a little league baseball game. Hurricane ahoy, everybody dust off your rhino chasers! Just kidding, you only need a 5’11".
Flannels. I love flannels. You love flannels. Jadson Andre doesn’t love flannels.
If you’re young, autumn marks your return to the classroom. Young brains have been thirsting for knowledge all summer, and that thirst will finally be quenched. When I was young, for many years I had been saving a very special part of my cerebrum to store some knowledge of the fourteenth president of the USA; Franklin Pierce. After a long summer, I was finally enlightened with knowledge about his “dough-faced” policies and his audacious signing of the Kansas-Nebraska act. I’d never be where I am today if I didn’t learn that. Kids: Don’t do home schooling.
If you’re old, you can rejoice while children disappear from the lineups and go to school to hear unenthusiastic evangelists of history ramble on with irrelevant factoids about nerds like Franklin Pierce.—Brendan Buckley