There will be an asterisk next to my name when I die.
The world record for most people riding on a surfboard was shattered today during a break in the action of the US Open. The previous record, set on the Gold Coast of Australia in March, had 47 surfers on board (I’m so witty), but today, sixty surfers mounted the Nev Hyman shaped fifty-foot craft.
I spotted the craft getting waxed up by a bunch of groms and immediately knew it was my destiny to be on board when the record was broken. Boasting of my surf-mag-barney title to Nev himself I weasled on with about fifty Junior Lifeguards from Huntington, a couple photogs, Australian WCT pro Troy Brooks, and former women’s World Champ Layne Beachley.
After carrying the board down to the waters edge (it took 50 of us), we were towed out into the lineup in front of thousands of people. The “paddle out was not without incident and going right along with Murphy’s Law, the set of the day came in right when we were in the impact zone. Blasted off the tail end by the three-foot wave, I gathered myself, swam back on board, and posted up on the nose of the board with Beachley and Brooks.
With a lifeguard pulling us behind a PWC, we went out toward the end of the pier, turned around and headed for shore. The guard gunned it right as another set was approaching and away we went.
We missed the first wave, the dude on the ski got flipped over, and disaster seemed imminent until the guy got righted and whipped us into the next wave, which all sixty of us rode to the beach until the three-foot tall the fins snapped right off.
With the record shattered, women were throwing themselves at me, men patted me on the back, and I’m now famous (hardly).