WORD

Five CDs To Smash Your Face To
Listen and destroy.

Some things in life never change. Take death metal, for instance¿it hasn’t changed since it began! The sound is pure carnage and has remained that way since the first death-metal bands started popping almost fifteen years ago. I guess Slayer is to blame, because all these bands wanted to be like them, but way heavier with more “growling” type vocals. The energy’s very apparent on all the following releases listed here. We just wanted to open your minds a little¿there’s more out there than busted-ass rap metal and boy bands. Buy every one of these at your own risk.¿A.S.

1. Brutal TruthoGoodbye Cruel World!

Relapse Since Brutal Truth’s first conception in the late 80s into the early 90s, they’ve been brutalizing records, stages, hotel rooms, and anything they could get their stinking hands on. This is grindcore (a subgenre of death metal) in it’s purest form. Goodbye Cruel World is a live compilation and it’s also the last album from B.T. as they recently broke up over creative differences. Typical.

2. Masters Of MiseryoBlack Sabbath: The Earache TributeoEarache

Damn, where do I begin? This album is a must must-have¿no question about it. This tribute to Black Sabbath has all your favorite metal bands doing their best rendition of all the classics, like Cathedral covering the song, “Wheels Of Confusion.” My favorite band in the world, Sleep, does an excellent version of the Sabbath song, “Snowblind,” and Brutal Truth comes through with the best cover of “Lord Of This World” I’ve ever heard. Brilliant.

3. Soilent GreenoSewn Mouth SecretsoRelapse

This is harsh technical grindcore from Lousiana that’ll kick your nose into your brain. Soilent Green was named after a 70s big-screen movie about the future of mankind. The Earth was running out of food, so thanks to the government, everyone was fed people who recently died. Society didn’t know about it, so they just kept on eating their human “Scooby” snacks. Cool movie!

4. IncantationoThe Infernal StormoRelapse

Crawling out of the shadows of the death-metal world comes an outfit of terrorism known to the underworld as the almighty Incantation. These guys are the heaviest band you’ll ever hear on this disease-ridden planet. On The Infernal Storm, the band shows tremendous maturity with their most flawless release to date. Pure devastation and unparalled brutality.

5. ParalysisoPatrons Of The DarkoGrindcore Records

Whenever you hear music like this, your brain has a momentary lapse of paralysis. With more blistering drum blasts than you can shake a drumstick at, Paralysis dutifully grinds through fifteen tracks of funeral-home inspired lyrics. If you’re that one person out of 50 who loves death metal with a tinge of grind, you should seek this one out. I doubt you can find it¿it’s a few years old and very rare. One word: paralyzing.

Behind The Cover With Ratboy

The following is an e-mail sent to us from Jill Ayers, Ratboy’s girlfriend:

Hello,
Lisa Minardi from TransWorld SURF called the other day to get a quote from Jason about his reaction to his cover shot. I knew he’d be too busy stressing out over his trip to Nias tomorrow, so I made him write it down while he was perfecting his relief self-portrait as he sat upon his throne this morning.

This is what he wrote:
“I can’t believe I actually got a cover shot on this trip. Tony Roberts, John Hunter, Corn, and I were joking about getting a cover because the surf was one to two feet or smaller for over a week straight. I’d do a fake turn or something and joke to T.R. about a cover shot.”

That’s it. Let me know if you need anything else.

¿Jill Ayers

Fake Out Your Friends With Fake Vomit

In terms of modern-day partiers, alcoholism and puking in public are the coolest, however, driving under the influence is not only dangerous, but can be expensive and very time consuming when you get caught. In order to oid picking up trash wearing a bright-orange vest, we here at TransWorld SURF suggest fake puke. Acting drunk is fun, however, using fake puke and peeing yourself is funner. Not only do you wake up ready to shred, but any mistakes you make with the ladies can be blamed on the liquor¿”I tried kissing Leah, and she rubbernecked me. Wow, I must’ve been drunk.”¿A.C.

The Joshua Dean Hall Memorial Scholarship FundIn memory of HBHS surfer, Joshua Dean Hall

Josh Hall was a friendly and generous sixteen-year-old who moved to Huntington Beach, California with his grandparents in the spring of 1995. As a student and surf-class member of Huntington Beach High School, Josh spent almost all of his time in the water practicing to become a top-notch professional surfer. Unfortunately, Josh was fatally injured shooting the Huntington Beach pier the first day of his junior year.

In 1997, a scholarship in Josh’s memory was established to provide an enduring legacy. To further build on this, Jeff Ingram and Ian Dodge, two of Josh’s closest friends, initiated a senior-class project this year¿an enclosed wall case that houses an engraved plaque listing the names of the annual scholarship winners; funding for the case was donated by Huntington Surf & Sport.

If you’re interested in making a donation to the Hall fund, or would like more info on the foundation, contact Mary Mitchell at (949) 553-4202, ext. 22. Mainstream Alternatives:The TransWorld SURF ‘Zine Review

Here are three more free ‘zines you can look at, throw away, or pass on to a friend.

Blue Torque Wave Action

Touted as the “grom” magazine, this little ‘zine has a few color photos and some cute stories. They use the word “grom” millions of times and show lots of air shots of kids with their feet off the board. They also show a lot of the up-and-coming kids as well as some of the top pros. Wave Action is the ‘zine a lot of kids get their first surf shot in. It can be found all over the place, but mostly in California and Texas.

Automatic

This cool little ‘zine is based out of San Diego, California. It’s really sarcastic and very funny. They make fun of everyone (including us). It has some color, but mostly black and white, images printed on good quality paper. The interviews are super funny because Josh McClure does them and he’s funny. Other cool things about this ‘zine are the skateboarding and the pranks by local pro skater Jeff King.

For more info on how to get a copy, log on to www. automatic.com.

Eastern Surf Magazine

This is the ultimate East Coast ‘zine. It’s got a super big format with some color on mostly black and white newsprint. If you have any questions about the East Coast, they can be answered here. The issues are all very thick and everyone on the East Coast, from New York to Florida, is involved. There’s humor, facts, interviews, and girls.

For more info on how to get a copy, log on to www.easternsurf.com

The TransWorld SURF “Where’s Wardo?” Rusty Surfboard Contest

Rusty has a simple question, “Where’s Wardo?” They need to find him in order to finish the big surf video he has coming out soon. If you can help Rusty find Wardo, they’ll hook your ass up with a brand-new Chris Ward Rusty pro-model surfboard. Wardo’s face is hidden somewhere in this very magazine, and if you’re the first to find him¿you’re gonna get hooked up. He could be anywhere in this issue, so look hard.

Send entries by August 29, 2000 to: “Where’s Wardo?”

Attn. TransWorld SURF
353 Airport Road
Oceanside, CA 92054

Webheads Of The World Unite!
Here’re a few cool Web sites to check out.

Hey, all you Webheads! Here are some cool Web sites that’ll piss your parents off if they catch you looking at them.

www.heavy.com¿This site has super funny music cartoons with lots of cussing, so if you’re under eighteen, plug your ears.

www.newgrounds.com¿There’re tons of hilarious cartoons and games on this site that lets you kill Teletubbies and do a lot of twisted silly shit.

www.campchaos.com¿This site has a bunch of cartoons about rappers and rock stars. It’s amazing¿loads of cool curse words, so lock your bedroom door when watching.

www.slimshadyworld.com¿Love him or hate him, Eminem’s site is raw and uncut with a bunch of funny and crazy stuff in the same place.

www.wuname.com¿Wanna know what your name would be if you were in the Wu-Tang Clan? Step up to this site and find out.

www.rotten.com¿Not for the faint of heart. Don’t look at this site with the lights out¿it’s scary.

Fart Candy
Smell my finger.

Has a so-called friend ever cut a fart so bad that you could almost taste it? If you’re looking for the gift that gives back, go to your nearest novelty store and buy yourself some farting candies.

Pulling fingers, cupping, and surprise attacks are all fun, but why waste a perfectly good odor when you can watch your pal suck on a fart-flavored lifesaver. If memories are forever, why not create those that reek in their mind¿thank you, fart candies!¿A.C.

Surf Slang
New words everyone should use.

Flip-up: When a lady is swimming and a wave hits her, flipping her bikini top up.Example: “Dude, you’re so bummed you just missed that flip-up. I saw everything!”

Water crawl: When you get a boner at the beach and have to crawl down into the water.Example: “Uh, oh. I just saw Mimi¿now I gotta do a water crawl.”

Squirrels: Another word for cheeky little grommets.Example: “Hey, let’s go duct-tape some of those squirrels to the phone booth.”

Dill Biggenheimer: When someone thinks they’re the hot shit on the beach.Example: “That guy Tom thinks he’s such the Dill Biggenheimer, but he ain’t shit.”

Tan lines: Referring to girls’ tan lines.Example: “Dude, can I tell you something? I love tan lines, am I normal?”

Fear: An 80s word for a hot girl.Example: “Oh, man. Look at Liz, she’s so fear.”

Sidelook: Looking out the side of your glasses to check out a lady.Example: “Brendan, do a sidelook over at that chick. She’s fear.”

The watchers: A group of dudes who just sit and watch everything going on.Example: “Those watchers are creeping out all the fear chicks.”

Peanut gallery: What you’d call the area where a group of watchers are sitting.Example: “Hey, brah. This peanut gallery is starting to get on my nerves, bro.”

Enemy flag: The non-surfing area’s black-ball flag.Example: “Cover me. I’m going left into the enemy-flag zone!”

Sex BootsLook hot this summer

We already know summer is gonna be hot, but you’ll be even hotter in these. If you want to turn heads, start on the right foot¿wear the sex boots. If you’re not getting enough booty¿wear the sex boots. I don’t think they’re real leather, but who cares? Check out the frayed ends hanging off the top of ’em! Man, you want to shock the crowd? Put on your own personal rock concert? Piss off the authorities? Well get movin’ to the nearest 99-cents store, and forget about designer clothes and mini-mall trends. These things are going to take the market by storm, and they even come with their own unique gasoline smell.¿J.M.

Slouch Socks
Socks are the one article of clothing that doesn’t get enough exposure or recognition for how cool they really can be. I mean, look at these fantastic Slouch Socks! Wear ’em in the dark, out to the gym¿just shake your wee-wee in ’em and get loose! Put on your Walkman and spandex, then slip these bad-ass Slouch Socks on and let ’em slouch down. They’re made to look cool and grab attention. F¿k Tommy Hilfiger, CK socks, or whatever. They can’t touch the style and price of these amazing things. Get cool with Slouch Socks.¿J.M.

Freestyle Watches Giveaway

“What’s the time? It’s time to get ill!” Do you know what time it is? If you don’t, you should enter this contest. Freestyle watches has two cool Shark Tide watches for you to win. One is aill Teletubbies and do a lot of twisted silly shit.

www.campchaos.com¿This site has a bunch of cartoons about rappers and rock stars. It’s amazing¿loads of cool curse words, so lock your bedroom door when watching.

www.slimshadyworld.com¿Love him or hate him, Eminem’s site is raw and uncut with a bunch of funny and crazy stuff in the same place.

www.wuname.com¿Wanna know what your name would be if you were in the Wu-Tang Clan? Step up to this site and find out.

www.rotten.com¿Not for the faint of heart. Don’t look at this site with the lights out¿it’s scary.

Fart Candy
Smell my finger.

Has a so-called friend ever cut a fart so bad that you could almost taste it? If you’re looking for the gift that gives back, go to your nearest novelty store and buy yourself some farting candies.

Pulling fingers, cupping, and surprise attacks are all fun, but why waste a perfectly good odor when you can watch your pal suck on a fart-flavored lifesaver. If memories are forever, why not create those that reek in their mind¿thank you, fart candies!¿A.C.

Surf Slang
New words everyone should use.

Flip-up: When a lady is swimming and a wave hits her, flipping her bikini top up.Example: “Dude, you’re so bummed you just missed that flip-up. I saw everything!”

Water crawl: When you get a boner at the beach and have to crawl down into the water.Example: “Uh, oh. I just saw Mimi¿now I gotta do a water crawl.”

Squirrels: Another word for cheeky little grommets.Example: “Hey, let’s go duct-tape some of those squirrels to the phone booth.”

Dill Biggenheimer: When someone thinks they’re the hot shit on the beach.Example: “That guy Tom thinks he’s such the Dill Biggenheimer, but he ain’t shit.”

Tan lines: Referring to girls’ tan lines.Example: “Dude, can I tell you something? I love tan lines, am I normal?”

Fear: An 80s word for a hot girl.Example: “Oh, man. Look at Liz, she’s so fear.”

Sidelook: Looking out the side of your glasses to check out a lady.Example: “Brendan, do a sidelook over at that chick. She’s fear.”

The watchers: A group of dudes who just sit and watch everything going on.Example: “Those watchers are creeping out all the fear chicks.”

Peanut gallery: What you’d call the area where a group of watchers are sitting.Example: “Hey, brah. This peanut gallery is starting to get on my nerves, bro.”

Enemy flag: The non-surfing area’s black-ball flag.Example: “Cover me. I’m going left into the enemy-flag zone!”

Sex BootsLook hot this summer

We already know summer is gonna be hot, but you’ll be even hotter in these. If you want to turn heads, start on the right foot¿wear the sex boots. If you’re not getting enough booty¿wear the sex boots. I don’t think they’re real leather, but who cares? Check out the frayed ends hanging off the top of ’em! Man, you want to shock the crowd? Put on your own personal rock concert? Piss off the authorities? Well get movin’ to the nearest 99-cents store, and forget about designer clothes and mini-mall trends. These things are going to take the market by storm, and they even come with their own unique gasoline smell.¿J.M.

Slouch Socks
Socks are the one article of clothing that doesn’t get enough exposure or recognition for how cool they really can be. I mean, look at these fantastic Slouch Socks! Wear ’em in the dark, out to the gym¿just shake your wee-wee in ’em and get loose! Put on your Walkman and spandex, then slip these bad-ass Slouch Socks on and let ’em slouch down. They’re made to look cool and grab attention. F¿k Tommy Hilfiger, CK socks, or whatever. They can’t touch the style and price of these amazing things. Get cool with Slouch Socks.¿J.M.

Freestyle Watches Giveaway

“What’s the time? It’s time to get ill!” Do you know what time it is? If you don’t, you should enter this contest. Freestyle watches has two cool Shark Tide watches for you to win. One is a full-sized man watch and the other is a half-size watch for a lady or for someone with skinny wrists. All you have to do to win is send us a short paragraph (30 to 45 words) on why you think TransWorld SURF is a cool magazine (we have low self-esteem, so help us out).

Send all entries by August 29, 2000 to:

“I Think TransWorld is Cool”
Attn. TransWorld SURF
353 Airport Road
Oceanside, CA 92054

How To Find Your Porno Name

So you want to be in porn. That’s great, porn stars are getting more and more respectable every day. The first step in becoming a full-blown porn star is to figure out your porn name. The best way to find your bad-assed porn name is take your middle name and then add the name of the street you live on. Let’s say your middle name is Benjamin, and you live on Breakback Street. Dude, your porn name would be Benjamin Breakback! Now just sit back and watch the money and the S.T.D.s roll in. Send us your porno name, and if you have a good one, we’ll hook you up with some flashy TransWorld SURF gear.

Send entries to:
“My Porno Name”
Attn. TransWorld SURF
353 Airport Road
Oceanside, CA 92054

Surf Slang R.I.PThere comes a day when some words should just not be said anymore¿today is the day. We here at TransWorld don’t claim to be all-knowing kings of the English language, but we do know when a worn-out word should be taken out to pasture and shot.

The following are words that should be exterminated:

Sick: A word overused to describe something cool, gross, neat, etc.
Example: “Yeah, bro. That was sooo sick!”

Unreal: A word overused to describe something amazing.
Example: “Yeah, guy. That was sooo unreal, dude!”

Epic: A word overused to describe something perfect.
Example: “Dude! Me and Brendan just got epic Trestles, bro!”

Solid: A word overused to describe something secure.
Example: “Dude, bro. That airspray is sooo solid!”

Dude: We know it’s gonna be hard not to say “dude,” but just try¿please!

More Love Letters To Mimi
Answered By Her With Love

Well, summer’s here and my time in the office has been split between answering fanmail and sunbathing while sitting at my outdoor desk. I’ve been getting some pretty interesting mail from you guys, especially Joe Canalpini from New Jersey, who wrote me a letter and proposed to me. Unfortunately, Joe’s only halfway through a 23-year-long sentence for fraud and burglary. Sorry Joe, I must decline your proposal. As for the rest of you boys, keep those letters coming¿I just got a laptop computer so I can answer your letters from the beach, a bathtub, in a grass field, or wherever …

Dear Mimi,
I just moved from Jacksonville, Florida to Huntington Beach, California. Huntington’s really cool, but I’m having trouble with an opening line for some Cali girls. I always say shit like, “Hey, what’s up there ladies?” They usually laugh at my Florida accent, so I just walk away. Mimi, do you know any line I can use that’ll make these Cali girls want to make out with me?

Matt Pittenberg
Huntington Beach, California

Dear Matt,
As far as lines go, you’ll need to come up some pretty good ones to get one of those ladies from H.B. Those girls have heard every line in the book. A failsafe way to make H.B. girls notice you is to tell them you’re a pro surfer. It’s so easy¿wear some new cool surf clothes and just flat-out say, “Hi, I’m a pro surfer.” Most H.B. girls fall for it. Good luck!Mimi

Hey Mimi,
My name is Andrew Ramirez, and I’m the kind of guy who has trouble talking to ladies, or should I say girls. I’m fourteen, but I’m going to be fifteen years old soon. I live in a small town called Planada. You live in San Diego, and I used to live in Palm Desest. I want to ask out a girl named Breebu¿she’s one of my friends ex-girlfriends. I don’t know what to say or do, so could you please help me out?

Andrew Ramirez a.k.a. “The Weasel”
Planada, California

Dear Andrew,
What to say to a girl has been plaguing men ever since the dawn of time. To be honest, when a guy comes up to me and gives me a processed cheese line, I just laugh. If a guy approaches me with sincerity, I’ll listen to what he has to say. Basically, just be yourself. I know itt sounds cliché, but try it¿it just might work.
Mimi

Mimi,
I’m twelve and was wondering if you would want to be my first kiss. I live in Corona Del Mar, and I think it’s time for me to kiss a girl (since my best friend and his brother have kissed a few girls). I don’t think it would be weird if we kissed because it would be like a funny story. Tell me what you think.Rick Devoe
Corona Del Mar, California

Dear Rick,
I think your first kiss should be with a girl you like. When you have the chance, don’t rush it¿let the kiss come. And when it does, “Bam!”¿you’re Frenching! Feels weird, huh? Anyway, no, I won’t kiss you, you little pervert.
Mimi

Dear Mimi,
Hi, my name is Matthew. I’m twenty years old and I’m in the Marine Corps. I’ve been in for two-and-a-half years and it’s going really slow! I’m in Twentynine Palms, about 45 minutes north of Palm Springs, California, and it sucks! But anyway, I’m just counting down time with your awesome mag! You look great in that swimsuit in the June 2000 issue! You can come and visit me anytime you want!

Anyway, I don’t have a girlfriend, and I’m a strong Christian guy. So if you¿or any of your friends¿want to hang out sometime, that’d be awesome! Write back, please …

Lcpl. Matthew White
Twentynine Palms, California

Dear Matthew,
Thank you so much. I think a man in uniform is just so hot! Thanks for the picture, you look pretty cute. My friends and I love to party, and if we ever get out to the desert¿we’ll call you for sure. Thanks for writing, and I hope the military time goes by faster for you.
Mimill-sized man watch and the other is a half-size watch for a lady or for someone with skinny wrists. All you have to do to win is send us a short paragraph (30 to 45 words) on why you think TransWorld SURF is a cool magazine (we have low self-esteem, so help us out).

Send all entries by August 29, 2000 to:

“I Think TransWorld is Cool”
Attn. TransWorld SURF
353 Airport Road
Oceanside, CA 92054

How To Find Your Porno Name

So you want to be in porn. That’s great, porn stars are getting more and more respectable every day. The first step in becoming a full-blown porn star is to figure out your porn name. The best way to find your bad-assed porn name is take your middle name and then add the name of the street you live on. Let’s say your middle name is Benjamin, and you live on Breakback Street. Dude, your porn name would be Benjamin Breakback! Now just sit back and watch the money and the S.T.D.s roll in. Send us your porno name, and if you have a good one, we’ll hook you up with some flashy TransWorld SURF gear.

Send entries to:
“My Porno Name”
Attn. TransWorld SURF
353 Airport Road
Oceanside, CA 92054

Surf Slang R.I.PThere comes a day when some words should just not be said anymore¿today is the day. We here at TransWorld don’t claim to be all-knowing kings of the English language, but we do know when a worn-out word should be taken out to pasture and shot.

The following are words that should be exterminated:

Sick: A word overused to describe something cool, gross, neat, etc.
Example: “Yeah, bro. That was sooo sick!”

Unreal: A word overused to describe something amazing.
Example: “Yeah, guy. That was sooo unreal, dude!”

Epic: A word overused to describe something perfect.
Example: “Dude! Me and Brendan just got epic Trestles, bro!”

Solid: A word overused to describe something secure.
Example: “Dude, bro. That airspray is sooo solid!”

Dude: We know it’s gonna be hard not to say “dude,” but just try¿please!

More Love Letters To Mimi
Answered By Her With Love

Well, summer’s here and my time in the office has been split between answering fanmail and sunbathing while sitting at my outdoor desk. I’ve been getting some pretty interesting mail from you guys, especially Joe Canalpini from New Jersey, who wrote me a letter and proposed to me. Unfortunately, Joe’s only halfway through a 23-year-long sentence for fraud and burglary. Sorry Joe, I must decline your proposal. As for the rest of you boys, keep those letters coming¿I just got a laptop computer so I can answer your letters from the beach, a bathtub, in a grass field, or wherever …

Dear Mimi,
I just moved from Jacksonville, Florida to Huntington Beach, California. Huntington’s really cool, but I’m having trouble with an opening line for some Cali girls. I always say shit like, “Hey, what’s up there ladies?” They usually laugh at my Florida accent, so I just walk away. Mimi, do you know any line I can use that’ll make these Cali girls want to make out with me?

Matt Pittenberg
Huntington Beach, California

Dear Matt,
As far as lines go, you’ll need to come up some pretty good ones to get one of those ladies from H.B. Those girls have heard every line in the book. A failsafe way to make H.B. girls notice you is to tell them you’re a pro surfer. It’s so easy¿wear some new cool surf clothes and just flat-out say, “Hi, I’m a pro surfer.” Most H.B. girls fall for it. Good luck!Mimi

Hey Mimi,
My name is Andrew Ramirez, and I’m the kind of guy who has trouble talking to ladies, or should I say girls. I’m fourteen, but I’m going to be fifteen years old soon. I live in a small town called Planada. You live in San Diego, and I used to live in Palm Desest. I want to ask out a girl named Breebu¿she’s one of my friends ex-girlfriends. I don’t know what to say or do, so could you please help me out?

Andrew Ramirez a.k.a. “The Weasel”
Planada, California

Dear Andrew,
What to say to a girl has been plaguing men ever since the dawn of time. To be honest, when a guy comes up to me and gives me a processed cheese line, I just laugh. If a guy approaches me with sincerity, I’ll listen to what he has to say. Basically, just be yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but try it¿it just might work.
Mimi

Mimi,
I’m twelve and was wondering if you would want to be my first kiss. I live in Corona Del Mar, and I think it’s time for me to kiss a girl (since my best friend and his brother have kissed a few girls). I don’t think it would be weird if we kissed because it would be like a funny story. Tell me what you think.Rick Devoe
Corona Del Mar, California

Dear Rick,
I think your first kiss should be with a girl you like. When you have the chance, don’t rush it¿let the kiss come. And when it does, “Bam!”¿you’re Frenching! Feels weird, huh? Anyway, no, I won’t kiss you, you little pervert.
Mimi

Dear Mimi,
Hi, my name is Matthew. I’m twenty years old and I’m in the Marine Corps. I’ve been in for two-and-a-half years and it’s going really slow! I’m in Twentynine Palms, about 45 minutes north of Palm Springs, California, and it sucks! But anyway, I’m just counting down time with your awesome mag! You look great in that swimsuit in the June 2000 issue! You can come and visit me anytime you want!

Anyway, I don’t have a girlfriend, and I’m a strong Christian guy. So if you¿or any of your friends¿want to hang out sometime, that’d be awesome! Write back, please …

Lcpl. Matthew White
Twentynine Palms, California

Dear Matthew,
Thank you so much. I think a man in uniform is just so hot! Thanks for the picture, you look pretty cute. My friends and I love to party, and if we ever get out to the desert¿we’ll call you for sure. Thanks for writing, and I hope the military time goes by faster for you.
Mimi>Dear Andrew,
What to say to a girl has been plaguing men ever since the dawn of time. To be honest, when a guy comes up to me and gives me a processed cheese line, I just laugh. If a guy approaches me with sincerity, I’ll listen to what he has to say. Basically, just be yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but try it¿it just might work.
Mimi

Mimi,
I’m twelve and was wondering if you would want to be my first kiss. I live in Corona Del Mar, and I think it’s time for me to kiss a girl (since my best friend and his brother have kissed a few girls). I don’t think it would be weird if we kissed because it would be like a funny story. Tell me what you think.Rick Devoe
Corona Del Mar, California

Dear Rick,
I think your first kiss should be with a girl you like. When you have the chance, don’t rush it¿let the kiss come. And when it does, “Bam!”¿you’re Frenching! Feels weird, huh? Anyway, no, I won’t kiss you, you little pervert.
Mimi

Dear Mimi,
Hi, my name is Matthew. I’m twenty years old and I’m in the Marine Corps. I’ve been in for two-and-a-half years and it’s going really slow! I’m in Twentynine Palms, about 45 minutes north of Palm Springs, California, and it sucks! But anyway, I’m just counting down time with your awesome mag! You look great in that swimsuit in the June 2000 issue! You can come and visit me anytime you want!

Anyway, I don’t have a girlfriend, and I’m a strong Christian guy. So if you¿or any of your friends¿want to hang out sometime, that’d be awesome! Write back, please …

Lcpl. Matthew White
Twentynine Palms, California

Dear Matthew,
Thank you so much. I think a man in uniform is just so hot! Thanks for the picture, you look pretty cute. My friends and I love to party, and if we ever get out to the desert¿we’ll call you for sure. Thanks for writing, and I hope the military time goes by faster for you.
Mimi