3 To B-Oddsmakers

3 To B-Oddsmakers

The Future Of The New Top 44
With Las Vegas oddsmaker Vinnie Garibaldi.
After last year’s debacle in consulting the tarot cards, this year we decided to consult the experts of experts-Las Vegas oddsmakers. After searching endlessly and utilizing our vast amount of contacts, we finally packed up and drove to Vegas where we found noted oddsmaker Vinnie Garibaldi. Vinnie’s odds are highly respected in Vegas, and after checking all the ASP stats, he gave us the following breakdown on how some of the ASP Top 44 will fare this year. (Parenthesis indicate their ASP seed for next season.)

Rob “Mob” Machado (3) 2 to 1-“Now I know this kid ain’t Italian-how’s he stay so skinny? Anyway, I really love this kid’s style. He’s creamy smooth like a canoli with the power of a V-8 Cadillac. A real area man for La Familia.”

Taj Burrow (6) 3 to 1-“Hey, lemme tell you something-Taj Burrow should be called the Wayne Newton of surfing. I mean, the kid’s a real lady-killer, if you know what I’m sayin’, and he’s just a surfer. It took Wayne tons of Top 40 hits to get his parakeet action. God, I love this sport!”

Andy Irons (16) 4 to 1-“This kid jumps up all the way to sixteenth place and nobody f-kin’ realizes it? Gimme a f-kin’ break already! If I see the odds climbing on anything, you bet your ass my money’s going that way.”

Joel Parkinson (37)-5 to 1-“During the ’85 NCAA Mens Championship Basketball tournament, the Hubert University Hairhands were 400 to 1 long shots who came out of nowhere to take the title by beating the favored Cornwall State Cornhuskers. Look out for the man called Parko.”

Shane Dorian (4) 6 to 1-“This kid looks good. Back in my old neighborhood, all the good-looking guys like Mario ‘The Nose’ Luciano got all the chicks and all the favors. Add in this guy’s big-wave ball sack, and you’ve got a bonafide winner.”

Kalani Robb (9) 8 to 1-“I think it’s time for this kid to step up to the plate. I remember when I was a young, just-made wiseguy lookin’ for some action with the odds. After being called the next Nicky ‘Numbers’ Castellano, I finally stepped up with a call on the ’69 Mets-the old neighborhood was never the same again.”

Sunny Garcia (1) 10 to 1-“Sunny’s attitude reminds me of my old cousin Vito “Snapper” Gambino. Vito was a real ball-breaker, if you know what I’m sayin’. He never hesitated to ice stoolies, kinda like what Sunny did to waves all last year. Big earner for La Familia.”

Jake “The Snake” Paterson (5)-12 to 1-“Jake obviously took his nickname from my late cousin Snake back in New York City. Extremely deformed, Snake was a weightlifter who only worked on his biceps-he was real strange lookin’. They found him on the bottom of the Hudson with a cement overcoat.”

C.J. Hobgood (7)-12 to 1-“Ahh, Florida. Why the hell would this kid leave that place? Someday soon I plan on retiring in Palm Beach with a cooler in one hand and a fine Floridian piece of ass in the other.”

Luke Egan (2)-18 to 1-“Back in the day, I used to play poker with an old pal o’ mine who we called ‘Cool Hand Luke.’ You gotta watch him, though-he’s got greasy palms.”

Cory Lopez (14)-20 to 1-“Cory’s like me, a real gambler. I’ve seen this crazy kid in some of those big tubes-it reminds of all the times I won by letting my money run on long shots at the Foreskin Derby.”

Shane Beschen (26)-20 to 1-“Shane’s along the same lines as the ’74 Reds. Even though they had all-stars like Fred Durgiebull, Stan Stemson, and Pete Moss, they still couldn’t get to the playoffs-what a shame.”

Mick Campbell (8)-25 to 1-“I tell you what, if this kid takes a punch at me, I’ll f-kin’ break his goddam legs!”

Damien Hobgood (25)-25 to 1-“I remember the ’78 Breeders Cup had these thoroughbreds that were twins sired from the ’70 Kentucky winner, Covered In Poo. Those f-kin’ horses were so juiced up they ran around the f-kin’ track like five times over.”

Paulo Moura (43)-25 to 1-“Usually thoroughbreds come from stables in Australia or Hawai’i-never California. One time, though, this horse named’Thong-tha-thong-thong-thong’-a Brazilian horse-came out of nowhere to win the Beastiality Stakes. Watch out for this Paulo kid, he could become a big earner.”

Flavio Padaratz (10)-30 to 1-“There used to be this kid in my old neighborhood named Connie. He got so picked on he eventually changed it to Con, which eventually changed to ‘The Carnivore.’ He breaks a lot of balls these days.”

Shea Lopez (11)-40 to 1-“The last time I went to Shea stadium, I ate a bad dog and f-kin’ puked all over the A train-not a good sign.”

Taylor Knox (28)-40 to 1-“Lately, I’ve been eating an excessive amount of pasta, and it’s definitely showin’. I really wish Taylor would give me one of his workout tapes.”

Ben Bourgeois (30)-50 to 1-“Some of the finest college-basketball programs come from North Carolina. Take the North Carolina University Gamecocks-you can tell how they’ll do in the tournament by the tightness of their shorts. It never fails.”

Pat O’Connell (33)-55 to 1-“This guy’s a little too silly for my tastes-always smiling and skipping. What’s he so happy about? Did he just get some action, or what?”

Shawn Sutton (32)-60 to 1-“I’ve never heard of this guy. Maybe he should wear more gold or some shit.”

Ross Would Go
The 2001 Quiksilver Eddie Aikau Memorial

If you ever have the chance to watch the “Eddie” live, don’t miss it. The invitational event has only been held four times in fourteen years and only when the surf’s 25-feet-plus. When the announcement’s made that the contest is a go, the invitees scramble from all over the world to make it there in time for the one-day event. In the past, Peter Mel and Flea have both made late-night flights from Santa Cruz and been skunked after the event’s coordinator Glen Moncata threatened to hold the contest, but didn’t find the conditions up to par with previous year’s standards.

This year’s 50,000-dollar winner, Avoca Beach, Australia’s Ross Clark-Jones, has actually been waiting in Hawai’i every year through the three-month waiting period for his day in the sun. January 13, 2001 was that day-twenty to 25-foot waves with light offshores and slightly overcast conditions made this year’s Eddie by far the cleanest in the event’s history.

The event format is simple: 24 surfers arranged into six-man heats, each heat lasting one hour, each competitor allowed four waves per heat. Contestants are scored on a scale of one to 100 points, and the two highest scores are combined for the competitor’s total score.

Ross Williams caught the first big set wave of the first heat, pulled in behind the boil, but it closed out. The 1999 Eddie Champ Noah Johnson attempted an extraordinarily late drop, but he couldn’t pull it off and rag-dolled down the face before he was sent to the beach with a bruised rib. Ross Clarke-Jones also attempted a late drop, but he was successful and rode the shoulder all the way through the bay, scoring a 92. The highlight, however, was definitely the shorebreak closeouts that Shane Dorian and Peter Mel pulled into to light up the crowd through the mid-morning lulls. At the end of the day, the big check belonged to R.C.J-the only non-Hawai’ian to ever win the Eddie.-Matt Patterson

Results of the 2001 Quiksilver Eddie Aikau held at Waimea Bay:

1. Ross Clarke-Jones (Australia)
2. Shane Dorian (Hawai’i)
3. Paul Patterson (Australia)
4. Ross Williams (Hawai’i)
5. Kelly Slater (Florida)