Barrel Blows And Crimes Against Nature

Blowing a perfect tube is some embarrassing shit. It’s like getting caught picking your nose and eating it while driving on the freeway. You know the deal: you’re minding your own business, cruising down the freeway, jamming to your favorite tunes, and also jamming your index finger into your nose. You’re having a fine time digging around in your nasal cavity, poking and prodding, trying to dislodge a pebble. Finally you have one. It’s a nice, firm BB-size wad. It sticks to your dry finger as you extract it from its cave. Unbeknownst to you, a coworker or friend has been cruising alongside of you like the intro from CHiPsonly they’re Ponch, and you’re the dummy digging for gold in your nostril.


So there you are, driving to work, having a private and personal moment, and unknowingly being invaded by a Peeping Tom. Just as a natural magnet lures your finger to your lips, the car next to you does an erratic swerve—snapping you out of your work-commute trance. Turning to see the aggressive and/or drunk driver to your right, you automatically raise your hand and extend your middle finger toward the driver only to see a hysterical, laughing, almost-crashing driver pointing at you. Oh, the horror. You were just caught committing a crime against humanity—the pick and eat.

All of this leads us to a mistake that every surfer has made at least one time in their life—the barrel blow. You’re pumping down the line, and the section starts to bowl like your mother welcoming you home with a big hug. You crouch, you stall, you stand, you get clipped, the people on the shoulder laugh, you look like an idiot.

In the grand scheme of things, however, blowing a barrel or getting caught mid-pick isn’t that bad. At least you’re going for it. So you barrel-blowers and nose-pickers should be proud. Admit your faults and embrace them—and keep on blowing it.C.C.

Caption: In exactly the opposite scenario, Kalle Carranza doesn’t appear to be blowing this barrel, nor does he have his finger up his nose. Photo: Troyer