Broken Bones, Babies, And The Wizard Of Death

Wonder what happens during an Aussie summer off-season? Well if you thought we all get our new-borns and dangle them in front of hungry crocodiles you’d be horribly mistaken. Truth of the matter is we wax up and hit the super bank.

New years Day on Queensland’s Gold Coast provided what were obviously the waves of the year so far to packs of frothing holiday-goers. A surprise low pressure system generated the perfect start to ’04 and gave homesick pro’s plenty of four-to-six-foot tunnel vision to help flush off a frustrating Hawaiian season. Joel Parkinson, Mick Fanning, Dean Morrison, and Koby Abberton enjoyed the luxury of not even having to paddle against the surging current thanks to mates on Jetskis towing them into the lion’s share of the barrel banquet. That might seem a bit rough considering the boys travel all year lapping up the best waves on the planet but don’t be too hard on Parko, the former World Number Two may indeed find himself landlocked in the very near future thanks to his recent engagement and announcement that he’s got a bun baking in his fiancé’s oven. Yep, another Parkinson shortly to enter planet Earth–be warned ‘CT competitors of 2022.


Another former World title runner-up not enjoying a short stint out of the water is Taj Burrow, who has broken a bone in his hand after an accident at his Yallingup home. TB is looking at two to three weeks which means the injury promises to be a lot less critical than his East coast mate Nathan Webster’s, who is still high and dry after snapping his leg in Mexico midway through last year. To help stay in condition for the upcoming pro tour, “Nudes has set up a home gym in his backyard (unheard of for a bloke who thought of training strictly for steroid pumped Olympians) and has even been seen flicking the odd el-rollo on his bodyboard out Little Narrabeen. And if he still can’t surf for the first CT of the year, Nudes reckons he might just paddle out on the lid. “Fuck mate, you get $3,000 just for putting the singlet on, as if I won’t be there.

Meanwhile, also in Sydney the Billabong World Junior Titles wrapped up. You can read all about micro Brazilian Adriano De Souza’s amazing victory right here on after you finishing mauling all this tripe.

Finally, Oscar Wright has had an entire quiver of boards turn from potential wave-riding weapons into fine pieces of wall fodder after his pre-glass paint jobs reacted poorly with the resin. “The black paint I used weakened the glass to the point where I can put my fingers through it just by touching it, said Oz, who was so distressed at the thought of having so many unrideable boards, he shoved his birth certificate and passport into his pockets and drove to the Births, Deaths, and Marriages Registry to officially change his name to Wizard of Death. For more Oscar Art check out his personal website at and stay tuned for more strange tales from the bottom of the world on


-Vaughn Blako