Give ‘Em Attitude: How to be a better surf-shop employee.

As a former surf-shop employee, I know how to blow off customers. If you’re working in a surf shop, you were hired to look and act cool¿you weren’t hired for your service. The following are ten tips to help shop employees have the right attitude while working at a surf shop.

1. The most important rule is to ignore all customers until they have to yell or grab you to get your attention.

2. When they eventually get your attention, ask, “How can I help you?” Then walk away and stare deeply toward the surf video on TV.

3. Once the customer has your attention, show them you’re the man. They need to know how hard you rip. Tell them about your sesh earlier and all the airs you pulled. They’ll be stoked.

4. If they keep bugging you, you might as well show the customer what’s cool. If they ask about a whack company, straight up, tell them it’s whack. If everything in your shop is whack, so don’t be afraid to send people across town to a better, cooler shop.

5. If you get stuck showing customers what clothes are cool, be sure to show them your sponsor’s clothes and tell them they’re the best in the shop. Explain how hundreds of chicks love your taste in clothes.

6. When you show the customers footwear, tell them to wait for the new shit to come out next week. Say something like, “The new Muska shoe is coming, so maybe you should just wait a week before you get something else.”

7. If a customer is ready to buy something, sell them every accessory possible¿ten sets of fins, three leashes, a nose guard, deck pad, ding repair kit, board bag, extra leash rope, board cleaner, and any other extra you can get the suckers to buy. After you have the total up to 500 bucks, tell them, “Don’t tell my boss, but I’m gonna hook you up with a sticker and a bar of wax.”

8. When you’re done ringing them up, just hand them a receipt and a bag. Let them bag their own stuff while you sit on a stool behind the counter and just stare at them.

9. Before the customer leaves, tell them if they ever want to watch you surf, they should check out an underground vid made by some guy from Oxnard. Then tell them, “I’m not in it, but I surf just like the guy who has the sixth section.”

10. Around closing-time rush everyone out of the shop by using the excuse, “I gotta go meet Taylor Steele to talk about the skit we’re gonna do.”

Now you’re officially an ultra-rad shop dude. Reps, team riders, and shop managers will all worship you. Be a little kiss-ass and who knows, you may be on your way to a super-awesome industry job!