The Midtown Lowdown

By Homer “Henuts” HenardEditorial Note: Homer Henard’s vocabulary is different from that of the average English-speaking person. We’ll do our best to translate¿otherwise you’re on your own.

Born and raised in Midtown, I grew up on a bluff overlooking Santa Cruz and Monterey Bay, and that gave me the opportunity to know the ocean’s mood at the crack of dawn on a daily basis. Up before the roosters, I’d peek out my window Earl Grey* to see what the day had in store for Henards. A batch of coffee, and I’m peeling out the driveway straight to the Merf*. I get so psyched in the mornings that I can’t think straight until I get my first glance at the surf. If it’s doubling up Murphy Brown taco-shell* caverns, then the suit’s on and let’s do this! Anyone who looks scared gets feared, panty boy. If you’re nursing a hangover, obvies* I’m getting over*! Hey kids*, you gotta show up to blow up!

I learned at a young age that my love for the surf was only going to grow stronger with every confetti-blasting tunnel* I exited. I was your typical young grommet, super psyched to get out there and click the lip with my friends. Attending school in the Midtown, B-40* and Harbor High, I quickly became familiar with the breaks close to my school. Winter was definitely my favorite time of year, with the rivers flowing, sand moving, and chocolate-brown barrels merfing* below sea level. I feel winter doesn’t officially start until the dredge machine appears at the Harbor, then it’s on like Donkey Kong! Midtown has sick waves, you just have to be on it.

Growing up surfing Midtown helped me realize the importance of riding the tube well. The talent pool ran deep with underground tube wizards, and I learned from watching guys like the infamous Harbor Bill and his son Josh Mulcoy. Josh Mulcoy is definitely one of the most solid tube riders in the world.

I was a neutral kid, and loved surfing everywhere. From Midtown it’s easy to creedle* east or west, seeing as it only breaks a few months a year. I never got caught up in the whole sides thing. I have friends on all sides. Santa Cruz is such a small area with so many good surfers that everyone is always pushing each other, and progression is definitely constant. I’ve heard Barney (Barron) call me an all-sider because I tend to show up all around. As I got older, I realized I wanted to surf the best waves I could find, which meant exploring S.C. That led me to continue traveling farther up and down the coast, and eventually around the globe. My desire to find the best waves meant searching the Bay Area for the sickest waves. The way I see it, I’m not just from Santa Cruz, I’m from the Bay Area.

These days it’s hard to even surf in town¿in the summer it’s so crowded with trannie* dotcommers*. Pleasure Point looks more like Malibu¿airplane-wing festivals* are scheduled every weekend, and the smaller it is, the more people there are. A session on Saturday or Sunday means being prepared for a shocker. It’s nuts what has happened to S.C. in the last couple of years with the crazy population explosion in Silicon Valley¿it’s like a different place. But as the seasons swing around and the lines begin to wrap into the Bay again, order resumes, and the real Santa Cruz emerges.

I advise the groms out there to take every opportunity they get to travel and see the world. I’m very fortunate to have been able to travel and experience so many different cultures¿this has helped mold me into the person I am today. But as much as I enjoy traveling, I’m just stoked to have grown up in the time and place I did, and I am very thankful to call Santa Cruz my home.

The following are some definitions of Homer’s vocabulary:

*Airplane-wing festivals: longboard contests.

*B-40: Branciforte is another name for Homer’s junior high.

*Confetti-blasting tunnel: a spitting tube.

*Creedle: means to drive.

*Dotcommer: anyone who’s made a lot of money from the Internet.

*EEarl Grey: early morning.

*Getting over: taking advantage of someone else’s mistake. “I can’t believe we’re the only ones out, we’re getting over.”

*Hey kids: a standard daily greeting.

*Merf: a spot in the Midtown area.

*Merfing: hollow waves doubling below sea level. Hollow taco shells, etc.

*Murphy Brown taco shells: hollow wave of love.

*Obvies: obviously.

*Trannie: a transplant from somewhere other than S.C.¿normally a dotcommer!