True Stories: An Encounter With A Tahitian Goddess Turns Ugly

Dream Sequence: An Encounter With A Tahitian Goddess Turns Ugly
As told by H. Dawe

This happened years ago while on trip to West Oz with Malik Joyeux (Rest in peace) and a few guys. There's nothing to do out there, but when something does happen, it's the funnest place ever. So we're over there and hear about this party and we were on it—it was going to be the best night ever.

We rock up to the joint, the sun was going down and all these farmers and different people from West Oz are hanging out. It was like one of those family affairs where everyone's welcome, and I'm thinking, "Oh this is going to be cool." There were a few chicks walking in, as well. I remember seeing this one super hot blonde chick; I was wondering if she was single or whatever, I figured I'd scope it out.

It's in a full Aussie backyard. I'm hanging with this farmer on the porch, drinking a few beers. And then he says, "Hey, I brought this cake, do you want some?" I'd been in the water and sun all day and was starving. So I ate a bit of it, it was so good, had some banana in it. It did taste a little funky, but I was so hungry I didn't think much about it and had another slice, and a few more chunks.

The music started up and more people started arriving. Everything was coming together; people were having a good time and starting to get loose. So I decided I had to go find that chick. When I stood up I felt like I was tripping, and realized I was pretty f—ked up. I was trying to hold it together. The farmer guy says, "Holy shit, all that cake is gone!"

"It was so good, eh?" I replied.

"Did you eat a whole bit, or half a bit?" he asked.

"Shit, I think I had two slices or more," I said.

"That cake had my bush weed in it," he said. "It's so intense, that's like having 50 cones [joints]!"

"What?!" I said.

So that's how things started.

I'd hurt my ankle earlier as well, and at some point I had it raised up on a table because it was throbbing. And this guy walked up whom I didn't know, and gave me a massage on my foot, but then started looking at me weird. I took my foot off the table and stood up, and I was just melting. I was trying to pull myself together, but I started getting the spins, and was starting to wig out.

The party was getting rocking, and I saw that girl dancing, and then it looked like she was changing shapes—I was tripping. I walked over to the side of the backyard, by this rock garden where there wasn't anyone around and had a spew [vomit]. I was trying to hold it together, but I'd basically had 50 cones of weed, so I was properly f—ked up. I found some water, thinking it would help, but it was just kicking in more and more. A friend said, "You should lay down, that'll help." I decided that was the best idea, I just couldn't do it anymore. And I figured maybe I'd wake up and find that girl later, but I had to sleep it off for a bit.

I went into the house and they set me up with a room to lie down in. I remember it had these Venetian blinds, the light was coming through them, making lines on the walls. It felt like an '80s film clip or something. So I laid down, and I actually thought I was all right and going to pull it.

At some point I fell asleep and started dreaming, and in the dream I was in Tahiti. And there was this Tahitian goddess, she looked like a Hinano girl or something, cruising in to my room. And then just like that we were making love, and I'm just melting into this whole world, it was amazing. I remember thinking how real the dream felt, it was unbelievable. And then I had this moment where I went, "F—k, I think this is actually real. No, it couldn't be, I'm messed up." My body seemed to realize where I really was, and I saw the light coming in, and then I started hearing the music again, and I sort of came to and realized, right, okay I'm at the party. The goddess that was there before, she was there on top of me, rooting me. It was still dark in there, and I remember thinking how amazing it all was. Then suddenly, boom! The lights came on and the blinds got pulled up, and someone yells, "What's going on in there?"

When the lights came on I soon realized it wasn't a Tahitian goddess anymore, it was a certain West Oz pro surfer's sister, who basically looks just like him but with hair. And hey, he's all time, but he's not the best-looking dude. Meanwhile, some of the older blokes had come in and were yelling again, "What's going on in here?! Get off of him!"

Basically, I was getting raped. They grabbed her and pulled her off me. A friend of mine burst in too and asked me what the hell was going on. "Mate, I don't know, I'm so wasted," was all I could muster up.

And then her brother came in and said, "Mate, don't worry, she does this all the time."

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't go back out to the party, so I laid there and just slept it off until the morning. When I woke up, I was thinking, "Did that really happen? Nah, I must have dreamed it, that was too messed up." I asked her brother the next morning, and he said, "Yeah, mate, that happened."

I guess she drives a mining truck up in the desert. She's all right, but she's hardcore. Like she's cool, but she's hard as nails—she works in a mine! So she wasn't a Tahitian goddess, but it's a good story. But really, I didn't even care, it was just next level and in retrospect, so funny. I said to her brothers, "I'm sorry, but you saw how useless I was." He was like, "Mate, don't even worry about it!" and his brother had a laugh too. I guess she's done that before, and I've seen her since and was like, "Hi, how ya goin? Cool, see ya." I told Malik the story the next day and he couldn't stop laughing.