Tuesday Tickle: Into The Black With Buck Nasty

Tuesday Tickle: Into The Black With Buck Nasty

There’s more to the picture than meets the eye, said a young Neil Young. Your eye has been met with a somewhat tedious picture of the Billabong Pro Tahiti. Your eye has met a picture that did not live up to standards, almost like it had been fooled by a match.com profile. Charming Dave, you were listed as 6’4! You’re hardly 5’8! This is what your eye thinks of the Billabong Pro Tahiti. Rather than sitting back and cursing meteorology for not sending a swell for the contest, let’s delve into the black. My my, hey hey, this is what’s been going on behind the scenes in Tahiti:

-Fox flew in some of their most exciting motor cross athletes and plopped them in a house with Damien Hobgoblin. The idea is that hanging out with such mad men will make his surfing more exciting, although the only immediately noticeable difference is that Damo now drinks lots of Monster Energy drink and listens to Jimmy Eat World.

-Taj Burrow got into a fist fight with Dave Stansfield for adding an “S” to his last name for the past fifteen years. It’s Burrow, Dave. Not Burrows.

-Bede Durbridge got a chocolate ice cream for desert one night. As he usually opts for vanilla, insiders report that this is the most exciting thing that he has done since he went horseback riding on his honeymoon four years ago.

-Kelly Slater was perplexed and horrified as he gazed into a mirror. He suddenly looked out of shape. Standing there in shock, he timidly approached the mirror. Moments later, he realized that it was no mirror- it was Jake Paterson. What a relief!

-Julian Wilson is having sex.

-Alejo Muniz is hanging out with Bon Jovi and nobody can put a finger on why.

-Matt Wilkinson was fucked up on acid with the local Tahitians and threw a spear at Jadson Andre. He apologized, but it wasn’t accepted.

-Raioni Monteiro and Ace Buchan were snorkeling one day and discovered Nathan Fletcher’s sanity submerged in the reef. He had misplaced it prior to taking off on that wave last year.

-They also found Michel Bourez’s virginity down there. It had been missing for nearly a decade.

-In an attempt to further their images on the American scene, Heitor Alves, Tiago Pires, and Willian Cardoso have started an indie rock band called “Foreign Cigarettes”. None of them know how to produce decent music, therefore it is suspected to take the indie scene by storm. Next stop: Target sponsorships. Great job, boys.